annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Today's Monday, today's Monday
- I thought I was doing OK today until I had a telephone "Guided Self-Help Session", one of two, all I am going to get as support for coming off the sleeping pills. It made me really unhappy.
- Of course I'm not happy. My brother just died. I've been around so much death recently that I kind of expected it to be just another person I love dying, but it's not, it's my brother. I don't know how to do it, or not do it, or how to do anything really. So I'm trying to find a medium place of not so much pressure, but not giving up. And failing at that, too.
- But I can't handle the dog and she can't handle me. I just want her to go away and she just wants to play. And poor Bob (cat), nearly 19 years of age, is quite possibly on her last legs, peacefully so no need to do anything, but fuck, just fuck. Little Bobcat.
- I had a terrible conversation with my sister-in-law where I tried not to just cry all over her because - well, I don't know - I guess because she has enough going on without me dumping my shit on her too - as well as losing her husband (my brother), her mother is coming to the end - but pretending to be OK when I'm not isn't easy and it's not authentic so what's the fucking point? But I still don't want to dump on her, so I don't know how to carry on.
- I've got into a right muddle with the fundraising page(s) as well - I can't even begin to explain it as I'm so confused.
I am grateful for: a new headband, £2.49, deal; nearly time to take the fucking teeth out and put them in a jar by the door; early night, before midnight; didn't get that wet in the endless fucking rain; nice walk in the last of the rain with Elder Daughter, though coming across this graffiti made me cry, then I went back and took a photo
11:20 p.m. - 30.04.18
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