annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Jan 18th

Didn't post yesterday but fuck it, I did 47 consecutive days so I award myself a gold star for wittering on. I was listening to Michael Palin on a podcast talking about diary writing and he said that it's the telling detail that brings stuff to life, so look out, fuckers, there's going to be telling details all over this shit. Unless I forget, which I probably will. [I did]

I'm torn between my desire to do that gratitude thing and my desire to be honest about how things are, and as I wrote that I realised that honesty is the top thing. I'll try and do some grateful stuff as well, but these are hard times so no good pretending they aren't. But concentrating on good moments has been interesting - slowing down, savouring them, trying to recall details for later. (Mind instantly goes blank and forgets the entirety of the last two days...)

Good bits:

1. Brunch with Grandson yesterday, in a bar/lounge (they're experimenting with calling places lounges these days - tables, chairs, food, drinks, whatever). It's noisy with all kinds of people, and dogs and babies, and hipsters. The walls are covered in portraits, jammed right up next to each other, some classic, some really fucking terrible, all styles, quite odd. We both had full English breakfasts - good sausages. It was brilliant - he was chatting away, looking alive and full of beans, telling me about his girlfriend who has a job in a baker's and loves it, loves the older women she works with, selling cakes and sandwiches. His face as he told me about it, so fond and proud.


2. Awful stuff on twitter where I chipped in on someone else's post about that dick on Question Time - rich, white, male, third generation of famous acting family, said he was bored of people complaining about racism. I made a comment about how I didn't quite get it that I couldn't necessarily judge if things were racist until I encountered blokes telling me which things weren't sexist at which point I realised that unless it's aimed at you, you're quite likely to miss it. Well, fucking hell, all the creeps came out of the woodwork to point out that I was totally wrong, some of them in the most vile ways. I managed not to get into it, even with the woman who said she had two sons and she knew that more men get raped than women so she was going to make it a safe world for them by making sure vicious idiots like me learned the error of our ways. The good thing though, was that a woman I hadn't heard from in 40 years commented (nicely) and we had a long private chat and are now friends on Facebook, scrolling back, catching up - so I both hate and love social media, as ever. My tweet had 130 likes, which is massive for me - mostly I don't get any, two would be a big deal, so it's not all horrible.


3.  Lunch today with Son, who has been having a tough time, feeling sad and overwhelmed and not able to focus and concentrate in the way he needs to. Not enough close pals in the city - he lives and works in London - and no one who knew his sister. So we ate in a cafe, then went somewhere else for coffee and we always just talk and talk and talk and I feel so happy to spend time with him, happy that when he comes down to the coast he always wants to spend a few hours with me, that we have this kind of relationship. Twelve years clean and dry, last week. Love him.


4. Singing again too - how I love to bellow out the classics.


5. This yesterday - walking along the coastal path with a storm brewing behind me and a massive rainbow suddenly springing out of the sea, lasting for ages. The rain caught up with me but I had my mac on so stayed dry and felt really fucking chuffed to be out amidst such beauty.

Sweet dreams xxx

12:38 a.m. - 19.01.20

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