annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Mel

My friend who died last week was Mel. She was a blogger I met on diaryland, first as  ladybugge, then variously Mel-is-dvash.diaryland.com  melodymetuka.diaryland.com and most recently on wordpress  msmelmahler.wordpress.com . I'm sure there are others I've missed.

I list those sites to see if any of you reading this now know her - I know you do dangerspouse - I've seen your comments.  I don't know what to do with my feelings about Mel dying. I didn't when Paula died either, or Reenie. When Stepfordtart fucked off and left us I went to her funeral and howled along with everyone else as her daughter spoke the truth about who she was and how she'd be missed. And although that doesn't make me miss her any less, it's part of what we do, it's part of the process of a person you love dying, to gather together and speak and cry and laugh and cry a bit more and be amazed at the things you didn't know about them and broken with the things you want to tell them but can't because they bloody died, the bastard.

The most piercing moment of my friend Joan's funeral was the realisation that the car in front of us on the way to the crematorium contained not only both her ex-husbands but also a later ex-boyfriend, known to me only as 'Jim from Denmark'. Man, she would have loved to know this - I can still see the expression on her face as I told her - we would have laughed and laughed - she hated them all by this time, the fuckers, and there they were all packed into one convenient container and I couldn't share the moment with her.

But what do we do when online friends die? When they live in another country and even if I'd had the money for a plane ticket to the funeral I haven't got a fucking passport and can't even afford to get one of those. There's no answer to this question - it's a new situation and rituals and conventions will emerge over time, but what do we do now?

I'd like to start by throwing this page and its comments open to anyone who knew Mel to share a few words or a memory or a story about her.

I'm reading back through our emails, but I want to share with you a dream I had, several years ago. Mel had MS and her walking was already compromised from the beginning of our friendship, but one night, before I'd ever seen a photo of her, I had a dream where we danced easily and gracefully together, arm in arm, in 'hold' as they say on Strictly, a beautiful, classical dance like a waltz or something, both of us wearing long flowing dresses and both having long silky, wavy hair that streamed out behind us. The dance was across three dimensions, as if we could fly like birds without wings, and it seemed to last forever, a beautiful dream of elegance, harmony and peace.

Rest in peace, dearest Mel.

12:20 a.m. - 16.01.19

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