annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Fail Oh man, I was meant to be volunteering this morning at a Salvation Army kitchen that feeds rough sleepers but instead here I am knotted up into a fine old mess and unable to even pick up the phone for help. I did manage to call the SA and speak to the woman from my singing group who had invited me to tell her I wasn't coming, that I couldn't, and she, quite reasonably, asked me why. Which is the absolute fucker with anxiety, this kind of anxiety, which is nothing like the butterflies in your stomach before you do something new kind that is dealable with, but cannot be explained even to oneself. Why can't I get on a bus this morning, or even get out on the street? Why can't I stay in a supermarket long enough to buy a decent amount of food to see me through? Etc etc. I feel like a cunt. A stupid lazy selfish cunt. I know I'm not, but this is how I feel. I need to pick up the phone and speak to someone who knows me and will reassure me that this will pass, but I can't do that either. Or reassure myself. Broken. Again. 11:04 a.m. - 05.06.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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