annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What becomes of the broken hearted? Well it turns out there is something worse than endless crying about nothing. I am consumed with fear for my daughter's future, paralysed in fact. Totally fucking useless. Haven't even been able to write or do anything, except reassure her on the phone again and again and again that she doesn't have to get into the centre of London on her own for the Paralympics - we will collect her. She can't hold this in her head, or the date. She's been thinking every day that we're going tomorrow and that she needs to sort it out. Now I'm waiting for Sis to come and drive me and GS up there. YD is reading to him in the bedroom - trying to get to the end of the current Harry Potter, and I'm trying to pull myself together. I don't know how to do this. I want my baby back. I'm scared about how far down she will go and how she will live. I want to wrap her in my arms and keep her safe and healthy or at least loved and loved and loved some more. Meanwhile I am useless. Broken. I know people have survived worse than this happening to their children BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW. Today is fifteen years since my father died. A good death, dropping down in the middle of sorting his bean seeds. I miss him more as time goes by. 11:51 a.m. - 02.09.12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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