annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- With Fruit This will be a moan about Bloke, because honestly, I don't know... He does all the food shopping, originally because I had no money, but he hasn't relinquished the task since our finances have become more equitable and I haven't pushed it and demanded the right to go to the supermarket once a week and spend a fortune on food. Partly because - no, entirely because I don't really want to. I mean, who does? We do it because we have to and when we don't have to, well, we cope. Mostly. I do say I'll do it, in fact I did yesterday say, I'll do the food shop but he said no, it's OK. I'll do it, and then he forgets my stuff. That's the moan. He forgot the things I have for breakfast, despite them being on the list, also a couple of other things which I mentioned while we were making the list, he said OK then didn't put them down. Tonight he was cooking the dinner and forgot to put my bread sauce and sage and onion stuffing in. Reading this through I can see I need to do this shit myself and I will, but today I'm proper narked by it. I said to him, "You're pissed off with me, aren't you?" which he denied, even when I pointed out that all the things he'd forgotten were my things, none of them his. But that's how it works, isn't it? Acting out unconscious feelings. It wasn't an entirely random selection of items, they were all mine and some were on the list which he took with him and still managed not to get. It is fair enough - I'm pissed off with him, he's pissed off with me. We're almost fifty years down the road here - I know some couples are still cool after all this time but we're not. I think it's been exacerbated by losing Sammie - they say something like the loss of a child either makes a couple stronger or drives them apart and this is where we find ourselves. I'm not claiming to have any moral high ground here - I have a deep resistance to doing anything at all to support him, as he only supports me in this practical way and often makes me feel the same as I did as a child being brought up my my stepmother. I feed you, clothe you, provide a roof over your head, what more do you want? Nothing's ever enough for you, is it? Well, a cuddle now and again would have been nice. Etc. So while I wasn't doing the food shop or cooking the dinner I was painting pineapples with the daughter of N, the ex-care-home manager. It was a lovely way to spend a few hours. She's eight - I couldn't remember her age and asked if she was still eight or was nine now and she said, "I'm still eight but I'm going to be nine in three months one week and three days," (or whatever) and I liked that at once. She showed me her gerbils, and her Frida Kahlo book and bits and pieces of Kahlo merchandise which she's got into since we painted Kahlo's watermelons together. I'd printed off a painting of a pineapple but on my way to their place I suddenly thought that was bonkers when I could take a real one, so I grabbed one en route which was a good choice. The painting wasn't realistic apart from the shape, so we had a great discussion about artistic choice, which she was very excited by and we both painted our fruits in wacky colours. She asked if next time we can do a bunch of grapes. Her mum cut the pineapple in half so we could share it. When I got home I made an upside-down cake with mine which is fucking delicious, which it wants to be with half a ton of sugar and even more butter, then it was a dog walk to the meadow, yoga, then the Baftas, hosted by Rebel can't remember her surname, quite uncomfortably. She said at one point that the prize for this category is having a go on Tom H - famous actor - which would be totally unacceptable if a man said that about a woman, though part of me thinks, yeah, but fuck it, your turn to put up with this shit we've lived with all this time. But we don't get anywhere that way do we? My daughter ran her phone over with her car. Not on purpose, but fuck. Today I am grateful for all of the above and getting another wordle out in four even though it was US spelling. That's you guys, that is, making me familiar with different versions. Buenas noches, amigos xx 12:26 a.m. - 14.03.22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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