annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Jan 9th
I made it to gym today for the first time since mid-December and I'm fucking knackered now, so just a quick update and bed for me.
Also back to Art Therapy which was fucking lush. She pays so much attention to the words I use and teaches me what I've been focused on without even noticing. And a perfect walk on the beach with Shirley after gym - low tide, hard, wet sand to walk on, sun going down, quiet, peaceful, spacious, bliss.
I found out last night that the perfect number of gratitudes to do each day is 8. As ascertained by studies. Also, they should be specific, not just 'a roof over my head'. I will aspire to this without putting myself under too much pressure at the moment.
Today I am grateful for:
- The look of genuine joy and happiness on my art therapist's face when I told her about the yoga teacher singling me out for extra care. That made me feel double lucky, to have two of these young women looking out for me.
- Taking all my white bedding and towels for a service wash at the laundrette near my old flat and the woman recognising me five years down the line. It felt good to hand it over dirty knowing I'll pick it up tomorrow clean, dry and folded, and to have a chat with her about stuff - I remembered her daughter had had bad mental health problems but she's been well now for two years. Excellent.
- An email from the journalist who helped me a few times with Sammie-related stuff saying I can use her name in a thing or refer to "a journalist friend". It felt good to be remembered and to be invited to call her a friend, no matter how nebulously.
- Getting to the gym, seeing myself in my shorts and vest in the full length wall to wall mirror and realising I'm still not as fat as I feel, as I look in the small bathroom mirror. I am heavy, but I'm OK.
- The #64millionartists task today was to make a collage which was only held down at one single point. They said to layer it up, but I forgot that and did this with some of my beach-cleaning finds
which I really enjoyed doing even though I didn't quite stick to the brief. I didn't care - yay, go me. - Finding a tin of sardines at the back of the larder to have for my lunch.
- That beach, that tide, that sun
- Watching spotless Shirley roll in the mud and feeling happy that she looks like my scruffy little dog again rather than getting pissed off at her being dirty again so soon.
- And also, not feeling so scared by world affairs - or is it that I'm not listening?
Night night
10:03 p.m. - 09.01.20
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