annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Jan 10th

Crap day. I got fed up with trying to be fucking Pollyanna, looking on the bright side all the time. I'm a miserable cunt and there it is.

I was sooooo tired this morning, I didn't go to Friday art group - bit of a shame as J-B was going to support me staying in the room, instead of fleeing like I did last week, but Bloke was going to be out for the day and I couldn't get myself together at all - home alone is a treat these days.

Then I just wasted the time, faffing about on my phone - they really are addictive aren't they? In a way that feels so shameful. I play this stupid word game, anagrams, and I'm on level 4106, for fuck's sake. If that was put into hours and days of my life I couldn't bear to look at it.

But a few good things occurred today so even though I am pissed off and grumpy as fuck, I will acknowledge that today I am grateful for:

1. Picking up the washing from the laundrette - a beautiful bag of white sheets and towels and whatnot, folded and dry and sweet smelling - such a worthwhile treat, to not have wet, king size duvet covers draped over everywhere for ever. I like cotton bedding but it takes so long to dry.


2. I went to the city beach to watch the starlings but for some reason turned the wrong way - I just decided to park the car here instead of there, a mile from the pier I needed to be on. I thought I'd walk but I was too tired, just dragging myself along when I realised I could choose not to so turned round and heard all this laughter and cheering coming from the beach. Being nosy, I went over to have a look and it was a big group of people charging into the sea, all happy and mad. January, for fuck's sake! The temp on my phone said 7C which is 44F. To be fair, the water was probably warmer than that. It was beautiful though. The sun was just above the horizon, casting a golden glow on everything, the sea was calm, they were all happy, cheering and whooping.   it was great and I was glad to be there.


3. I got into knitting a tea cosy for Son and was very pleased with how it was coming along:until I went and fetched the tea pot to measure - thinking I was just going to feel smug, and it's fucking massive. I was using the wrong pattern.  It only needs half of the green stripe, but I'm not good at unpicking and getting the stitches back on the needle, so I threw it down in a sulk.  I may be able to use it but I'm too tired and grumpy to be sure.


4. Now I can't get the numbers to stop - I finished with gratitude about halfway down the knitting bit.  I'm back to moaning. I didn't do the 64m artists thing today because it didn't inspire me at all - it was to make a random spread of dots of one form or another then find a picture in them. Well, I didn't want to, so I didn't.


5. I did walk my miles, but with a bad grace.


6. I have plans to look after myself by doing healing things over the next two days. Tomorrow Bloke and I will do 2 hours cleaning - I know, this shouldn't need a notice, but I am reassured by Woody Guthrie writing 'change socks' and 'have bath' on his to do list - I'm in good company in my slobbishness.


7. After that I'm going to the singing thing - I haven't sung in a crowd for months and months and I know it's very healing to the spirit. Then on Sunday I'm going to a 5Rhthyms session - I feel a bit scared of that as it's in the city and much busier than the one I used to go to in the small town, but I need to move my body about so I will.

12:37 a.m. - 11.01.20

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