annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Still

1. I would like to be able to report that the mehs have gone but they haven't and today was also spent mainly weeping, with intermittent moaning. I did squeeze in walking 4.2 miles and a yoga class, but resumed weeping within the hour.


2. A fair amount of time was also spent composing and deleting angry text messages to Bloke. My rage was focused on him, hence the composing, but not really about him, so deleting. He's very good at doing fucking annoying things thereby enabling me to believe he's what it's about, but he's not. It's fate, the fucker, laying hard shit in my path and sometimes I can't, I just can't.


3. It was hard to go to the vegetarian cafe after yoga. So many times I took photos there of my food and sent them to Paula and we'd chat back and forth about it. I'm not vegetarian but I don't consider meat essential on a daily basis - I just like tasty food. When she was better I was going to take her round the city, eating at some of the dozens of veggie cafes and restaurants. Man.


4. The house looks like someone emptied a litter bin over it. The narrative we live by is that I'm a dirty, fucked up person and Himself is clean and righteous and blessed with perfect mental health. Truth is, when I go down the plughole he stops. The fridge is empty, the floor is full.


5. I'd like to be someone else now, actually.

11:41 p.m. - 15.02.18

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