annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Bye, gym

1. Went to art group with a vague intent to do pottery but couldn't face anything but another fucking Cezanne still life and then I forgot to take a pic. You know what they're like, messy, orange, that kind of thing. This one was worse than usual as my paper was the wrong shape and instead of cutting it down, I thought I'd chuck a few more things in and lost the balance, of course. Like I could improve on Cezanne. Still, doing it was soothing.


2. I had an assessment while I was at the recovery centre and the woman who did it is going to be my key worker now and we'll meet weekly for six weeks then see where we are. Thank fucking fuck for that. Why did it take me so long (like literally years) to ask for a new one? Mad.


3. I left the gym! Hooray. I did enjoy it, but my life is full enough and trying to work out which days to go (and always between 12 and 2 as that was my deal), was doing my head in. I know I have hideously weak arms and no core strength, but fuck it, I do loads of exercise one way and another and weak arms isn't the end of the world. I can rejoin later if I want to and I left in time to get a full refund, just before I was in for a minimum of six months. I felt a bit better as soon as I thought of it.


4. I'm doing a five day declutter thing via a facebook group, which started with social media and the suggestion that this very day, we should go through our sites and prune hard, removing all people, pages and groups that aren't really worth having. Done. Such a relief. I'm OK on FB really - I don't accept friend requests lightly, but Twitter and Instagram were full of doom and gloom and/or guilt-tripping stuff.   I'm also going to sort out my email - only 5682 unread emails - which won't be so easy. The other thing was to make contact with real people in real life, so I phoned my pal J who is having a hard time with her elderly mother's increasing dementia, and messaged C, inviting her to 5 Rhythms tomorrow, which she may not do then, but might next week. It all feels good.


5. I'm going to try to come off my sleeping pills - not today, but soon. This is a big statement as I've been taking them for literally years. I had a patch of being off them but when ED had to go and live in a care home I went back on them as I cannot bear lying in bed at night going over and over how awful her life is. I am scared of the effects of stopping but apparently CBT is good for insomnia and I'm up for giving it a go. Building up to it anyway. Not rushing.

11:31 p.m. - 16.01.18

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