annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Meh, again

1. Bad day. Very low all day. Didn't want to go to yoga or do anything really. I still did, went through the motions, without any pleasure in any of it, but at least I'm not here now bewailing the fact that I missed a class or didn't walk or whatever.


2. I think what fucked me up was that I forgot to look in my diary for the week until today and I realised I'd committed to too many things tomorrow without even including walking the dog or being at home to let her out. As it turns out, Bloke doesn't have any work tomorrow so he can see to her, but it was the forgetting that did me in. Or maybe the impending tribunal for my benefits...


3. Finished the marmalade: which turned out to be easier than any batch I've ever made - to test if it's set you put a bit on a cold saucer and push it with your finger - if it wrinkles it's done. Never before has that happened on the first test. On another day that would have made me happy.


4. This is the real thing, I think. Very worried and scared for my friend who is coming up to a year of treatment for cancer and tumours and god only knows what else. I get all stirred up with a real intense desire, an urgent need, an imperative to do something to make it better, just a bit better, but I can't, there's nothing to be done. Amazing how we can feel for each other when we haven't met in 'real life', though we have known each other for ten years. Captain, our Captain.


5. I started reading that book about sleep and it makes all kind of wild claims, backed up by fucking evidence (bastards) that we don't sleep enough, that the consequences are dire, that sleeping pills make it worse... Been on sleeping pills for years, never sleep enough, going to bed now, before midnight, to read a bit more and then go to sleep early

11:42 p.m. - 15.01.18

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