annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cat Writing in bed, on my phone. Very low. Went to A&E this morning as I could not shake the feeling that I couldn't do this any more, that I had to end it. Bloke (who did remember my birthday) just stared at me when I started to unravel, then walked away. So after a while of being poised in that place of can't/have to/can't I took myself to A&E where I was seen pretty quickly and reminded that this is probably the worst thing that a person can go through and that it's ok to go there and ask for someone to weep on. I think it was the birthday and the 'happy' thing that pushed me too far. And having spent some of it with both my daughters, in Sam's room at the care home, watching Beauty and the Beast where everyone was magicked back to normal at the end and even writing that makes me cry again for the wanting my girl back to normal. WANTING IT SO BAD AND I CAN'T HAVE IT. So it's shit but we knew that. They are lying about the number of people killed in the fire - there were hundreds. I was going to go on the march but I couldn't get myself together. The fucking cat caught a sparrow and brought it into the house. I chased her towards the door, she let it go and it flew into the other room where it panicked in a corner. It made me go into total panic mode, then she caught it again, gave it a big, audible bite that killed it, dropped it under the table, curled up on a chair and went to sleep. I hate that fucking cat. And we swam in the sea, and I didn't visit ED today but sent Bloke instead, and it still all just hurts more than I can bear but I have to bear it so unlucky. 12:36 a.m. - 18.06.17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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