annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sunday Sunday I went for a walk with the bird-watchers today, around some heath bloody miles away. It was nice really, you know, nature, autumn, all that stuff. Bloke and his mates, good people. One of the women was a teacher so we fell into talking about education for a while and it became apparent that I'd stopped working several years ago. It's so long since I was asked why I stopped and what I do now, that I'd forgotten my pre-prepared answer - I'm on a sabbatical and I write and no, I'm not yet published. None of which is an outright lie, given that I turn up at the page here most evenings, although it's not what people assume I mean. Instead I found I'd blurted out that I'd had a breakdown and she asked me why - not as bluntly as that and in a kindly fashion, so I bit back these words that jumped into my mouth: "Oh, you know, the usual. Abusive childhood, multiple rapes, domestic violence..." and just kind of shrugged the question away without answering. Which I am pleased about, because I liked her and may see her in future and the kind of response I almost made is quite aggressive in a nasty, sneaky way. But over the hours since, I've pondered why those words were my first thought and conclude that it's because it's the truth, but I've never summed it up so succinctly, and that in this condensed version there is no self-blame, which is some kind of progress. So woo hoo, go me. And when I came home the CKs (who keep my spare key) had been round and cleaned my kitchen, which is just so lovely of them. It's good to feel blessed in the midst of all this. 12:16 a.m. - 21.10.13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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