annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- - Written under some weird sense of duress, because I agreed to give each of my days a mark out of ten, for my doctor, which I hope, viewed as a whole, will shed some light on what's going on. But it's not pretty. Yesterday was grim, with a dull heaviness rather than a sharp pain. I didn't get dressed or do anything much till the evening, apart from make a big pot of Irish stew, which I didn't fancy eating and in fact still haven't touched, though I did bring it back up to the boil again. In the morning I called YD. No reply so I texted her, asking her to call. I wanted to talk about GS, but wanted to gauge where YD's head was at, to see what I was going to say. She didn't call back. Nor did ED. It's only from here, having spoken to them both, that I can see I was frozen into some horrible 'waiting for bad news' place, about both of them. The sort of catastrophic thinking I once learned to unpick and defuse, but which is now not so fucking crazy and irrational. YD has had a bad week and ED's glasses do nothing at all, as feared and suspected, because her vision is fluctuating all over the place, controlled by the evil MS. Today I've been weighed down with contemplating her future and realising that she'd asked to go to the London Eye last year and we didn't get round to taking her and now that chance is gone for good. 1:05 a.m. - 21.10.12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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