annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do the dawg

Ah well, here we are again. Me, cat, telly and laptop.

Today has been mixed, starting with a visit to K, who has survived trial by medical assessment and wished to share his experience. I told him the conclusion I'd come to yesterday, but when talking about 'the whole thing' I said, "Starting with my mother dying when I was a baby and taking it from there." He stopped me there and asked a few questions before telling me that his mother had also died in his second year and that he'd never met anyone else who'd had the same experience. Well. Fucking hell. I'd like to be able to say with confidence that I haven't met anyone either, but I'm not feeling much confidence in my memory, so I'll just say I don't think I have. It was a major moment for both of us.

OK, list form:

1. Last night when I looked at the form I'd sent in prior to my medical, I couldn't believe what was written there. A woman from the CAB had helped me do it and I was agitated to the max at the time, but the stuff I'd come out with was so random.
2. There was a place to write down the other professionals involved in your care (beyond your GP), which I'd left blank, apparently forgetting that I see a psychiatrist, a counsellor and an acupuncturist on a regular basis and have just been referred to the Carer's Centre, where I have a named person assigned to me in some way. I can't remember what her job title is, but I do remember her name.
3. When I looked at the form again today, round at K's, I couldn't see what was so ridiculous about it, so I put it away and will have to take it as it comes tomorrow.
4. I did notice that I'd said on the form that everyone is sick of me apart from my sister, which I think is untrue on both counts - most of my friends are still with me, but my sister, although not giving me any kind of hard time, has clearly had enough of her big sister being so fucking useless.
5. When YD moved out, taking her eating disorder with her, at first I lost a lot of weight (OK, a bit, but about a clothes size), as I wasn't having burgers for tea twice a week and had no one going to the shop to buy cake and chocolate. It took me a while to notice this, but since I did I now realise I have taken to comfort eating on my own account. Especially those little bags of Lindt chocolate eggs. I found myself watching supersize vs superskinny tonight and feeling smug that I had at least twenty stone on that guy, so it would be OK to have a biscuit or two as well.
6. I walked home from art class and just checked the distance on mapometer - two miles. Yay.
7. After the debacle of last week's art class, I took my pack of anti-anxiety meds with me today. I did start getting frazzled when teacher was talking about mixing greens with water colour and how it wasn't blue and yellow so much as mixing up the greens you had in your box with a touch of Burnt Umber or Yellow Ochre or ... on and on she went and I couldn't listen to it, partly because I'd thrown away the leaflet with the names of the colours in my box because the writing was so small and I didn't know I'd ever need to know them by name, and on she went about how artists used to have to grind up something or other from Umbria to make the colour and it was all getting a bit much so I downed a pill. Hmm. Different. I was off my head - they are STRONG those pills. I managed to sit the class out though, so I count that as a success, but it was very hard to control the brush. Ah well. And when I said earlier that I'd walked home, it may have been better described as stumbled.
8. I've let myself run right out of coal and firewood and it's suddenly gone cold again.
9. It's just turned midnight into 7th March, the day of digital changeover for TV and radio, and I've lost my signal. I've spent ten minutes faffing about following the links - at one point I had the five terrestrial channels, but I want radio at this time of night and can't find it and now I can't find any telly signals either.
10. 8 and 9 combined mean it's time for bed.

Laters xx

9:31 p.m. - 06.03.12

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next