annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winner So. I felt no better when I woke up this morning. I tried to discern what it was I needed and what I didn't need. Usually it's art on Tuesday mornings but I couldn't face the others. This was a shame as the painting was of trees and grass - not a great painting, though I could have learned how to paint trees and grass, but I just couldn't. We're a mixed bunch, us painters from the recovery centre. We all have long term mental health issues, some of them more noticeable than others. Some seem fine but are actually very sensitive and can vanish or kick off if the wrong thing is said or suggested. Others are just hard work and require patience. I didn't have it this morning and went back to bed. I had another go at phoning HMRC, got through to a human after the usual hurdles and endless wait, then lost the connection and would have had to redial. Couldn't face that either. I did make it to meet my pal P up on the forest near where we went to school fifty years ago. On the way this song came on and killed me https://youtu.be/XKn-LLVJE8w but I made it to the forest and walked among the trees and we talked and cried and shared awful, painful sorrows that had risen to the surface, while Shirley scampered about like a good dog. This evening I went to a reading party, which is a zoom thing organised by the guy who ran that pop-up bookshop I worked in. He's a crime fiction writer and these events are about reading aloud the first chapter then discussing a newly published crime fiction novel, with the author there as well. You get a couple of sections to read, then questions are asked and it's all quite interesting. The last one I did was with Nikki French, one of my favourite crime writers, actually a married couple, Sean French and Nikki Gerard, who manage to write together. I've long loved their books so it was a big thrill to 'meet' them and to read a chunk of their new book to them, but this one wasn't so hot really. It's OK, not everything is brilliant. I'll do another one. Bloke made a vegetable curry - he said he didn't manage to eat a single vegetable beyond the potato in his whole five day trip to Germany and all he wanted was veg. I made a tarka dahl to go with it, without a recipe, just slinging stuff in with the lentils as they cooked, and chucking a load of garam marsala onto the fried-brown onions and garlic and it was delicious. I still feel heavy, burdened, awful, but I pushed on through. Didn't make it to the other side, but didn't fall further into the pit. Winner.
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