annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Friday
Phew. Is it phew? I'm never sure if I mean phew or whew. One of those words, anyway, that mean here we are at the end of another fucking hard day, and I've managed not to tell anyone to fuck off and I've only cried a couple of times and one of them was at Eastenders when Shirley found out that Tina was dead and let out a howl of anguish that would break the steeliest of hearts, never mind me, still burning up with grief for my blessed girl.
Tonight is one of those nights where I can't even remember this morning and whether or not I did anything or dozed through it, but after whatever happened then I had a physio session at the hospital which was excruciatingly embarrassing. First I had to tell her the awful saga of me getting confused about which ankle I'd broken due to a photo of a reflection turning up on Facebook on the very day of my last physio, so all the exercises I was given being based on my dodgy leg being a badly healed broken one when it turned out not to be that at all. Then I didn't know whether that first physio appointment had been booked for my ankle or the dodgy leg and after that I didn't know anything about any of the other questions, apart from it starting in March 2018, when my brother died. It's erratic and unpredictable. What brings it on? Dunno. Is it worse in the morning or at night? Dunno? When I say I can no longer do ordinary yoga, which poses can't I do? Dunno. And so on, till she gave up and got me moving about - ooh, you're very flexible. Ah shut up.
So after that was the first little cry, in the car, because she was nice, the physio, but kind in a way that made me feel worse and worse.
And off to art at the museum where I've stopped doing paintings of my house and am now starting a series of the view from my kitchen window when I'm doing the washing up
It was OK for a first attempt, though I might take some masking tape next week and tape the next one to the table as I like the white edges when I do that. It's a funny group but I'm starting to like it. There's a bloke sits next to me (not too close though, so OK) who tells quick fire one liner style jokes, all the time, which really amuses one of the others, so that's going on almost all the time. There are two pretty silent ones and the other one who asks questions loudly and repetitively. Today's was ,"I can't go to school now, can I?" probably about fifteen times in all. The two art teachers are amazingly patient with him and manage to answer each time as if it's the first time he's asked. But it's wearing. I keep my head down and do my painting, really quickly.
I've been knitting a practice patchwork strip this evening, but I've just spotted that it's almost 1am so I'm not in bed by midnight and had better be off right now.
Today I am grateful for not living in a war zone, being safe and warm.
1:05 a.m. - 05.03.22
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