annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 185 I don't have any energy to write or anything I'm desperate to say, but I'm scared that if I miss a night I'll never write again. I feel very low. Daughter came and took me to the beach but she doesn't like me being low, it scares her and she gets nasty. I haven't felt this kind of 'mental health' low for a long time and I'd forgotten. It was awful. I wanted to get my feet in the water but the tide was low and there was a stretch of big round pebbles that you had to cross to get in the sea. I couldn't maintain my balance on them and it felt like the end of my world. I'm letting myself focus on not being able to get in the sea when really, who cares? We sat separately for a while - I dragged my chair further up the beach - and it was OK. This stage of the pandemic is really fucking awful. There aren't enough tests available - I keep hearing of people who need to be tested to be able to make safe decisions about how they should proceed but then they're told there are no tests available. Which means the figures for new cases are meaningless, or need to be prefaced by 'at least' So today, at least 3,105 new cases, but presumably more. There has just been a vote which passed a law which means the UK will break a law it agreed to - to be honest I find it all too confusing to be able to say more than that. I have never felt so ashamed to be British. Or scared for the future. 11:51 p.m. - 15.09.20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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