annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Day 24
Hiya. Here I am again at stupid o'clock, thinking I'll get an early night when I probably won't finish writing this side of midnight. [It's almost one as I read through]
Today has been OK. Peaceful, accepting, that kind of thing. We did cleaning this morning - I'd tried to establish a regular Saturday morning housework session a while ago, with both of us going at it from 10 till 12 - and it's been OK when we do it, but it's slid of late and the place was getting pretty sordid (apart from the kitchen work surfaces - I'm always on top of them). It's one of the (many) bones of contention between me and him, that he never initiates cleaning or tidying yet somehow the blame for the dirt falls squarely on my shoulders as the woman. Well fuck that.
So we did cleaning and it looks much better, obvs, but it made me quite cross at the time and again now, thinking about it.
I found an old grass grinder and it had some in - god knows how old. I just smoked it, mistake, can feel anxiety mounting again. I looked at Twitter, which is such a mixed blessing. That's where I found the online literary festival. but also where people retweet horror stories and there they are in your head before you know to not read them. So breathe, that's the thing, isn't it? Just focus on the breath going in and out, in and out.
One of the things I don't like about living here is having to drive to get to somewhere half decent to walk, The coast is a mile and a half down hill, so up hill on the way back, and the downs are the other side of a busy dual carriageway where you have to walk a long way to get to the traffic lights to cross over. But now, there's no traffic:
I can't tell you how astonished I am to be able to take that photo - usually there are four lanes doing around 80mph, which I know because that's how fast I drive along there, keeping up with the traffic. So me and Shirley walked across the road and up the hill onto the downs. There was one gate to open but I found a patch of big leaves - don't know what they were - and used one to protect my hands from the lever.
It was lovely. The fields have been ploughed and are drying out after more than a week with no rain - that's the chalk making them look like sand. I walked for a little over an hour altogether and had been up one hill, down the other side and up the next one, right out of the urban sprawl, surrounded by hedgerows just beginning to turn green, birdsong, butterflies, horseshit. The little dog looks lovely but literally eats shit if I don't get right in there and stop her. Vile. There were a fair few people, but spread out. Mostly I was on my own as far as I could see ahead, then another couple or small family would appear and we'd pass each other, leaving as much space as possible between us - more than the specified 2m.
So all good. Safe. But apparently too many people went out, too close together and there's all sorts of outrage going on. On the local facebook page someone said the police had closed a car park on the downs a few miles east of me and were turning back cars trying to get up there. I read through loads of the comments and what struck me most was that different people believe different things. The poster and many others think we're to only walk from our homes, whereas others are aware the government spokesman said it was OK to drive a short distance to take your exercise. Some think it's been set at an hour maximum, others disagree. I don't know the answer to that one but I do know it's bollocks - the govt should be banging on loud and clear about what we should be doing, repeatedly so we're all aware. I think we're heading for full lockdown apart from food shopping - don't see how it can be avoided. Glad I went today.
It's getting hard for people now. Daughter is struggling as are several of my friends who live alone and haven't seen anyone they know and care about for weeks. Son is better - he's been working really hard all week, lots of awful meetings on Zoom, sat at a computer all day. After five days of that he's quite pleased to be alone - I can hear the truth of it in his voice. He's got a small garden and a long flat with all the rooms in a row so quite a good length to walk up and down, different light at the front and back.
I made soup again. Wild garlic and spinach:
It was fucking delicious. I softened an onion in a mixture of butter and oil (light olive oil - I'm not an animal), then added washed, diced potatoes and stirred them about for a bit, then poured on some boiling water and let it simmer till the potatoes were soft. I left it at that point and did my yin yoga, but it would probably be OK if you went straight ahead. (That's my joke - did you get it?) (Sorry - it's late) Later, after Shirley and I had done our relaxation shavasana:
I washed the wild garlic that came with the veg box and a bag of spinach and added them to the reheated liquid, pushing them down till they wilted. Then I blitzed it with the whizzy thing on a stick (sorry, forget what it's called), reheated it and ate it with toast, bloody lovely. And vegan. Not deliberately, but incidentally. Till I bunged in a small spoonful of creme fraiche.
Today I: meditated; practised the keyboard (yay!); did yin yoga; walked a good distance in the sunshine; spoke to MH and J and Daughter; texted with Son; sent J a video of me practising the keyboard - I don't know where I get my nerve - she's a woman who's released twelve albums. She was kind. I don't know how to post it here as I write on the laptop but the video is on my phone. I also ate good food and wrote a blog. I would say my mood has been good most of the day. If I do all the things I do feel better.
I am grateful for: my little shit-eating dog; the veg box; being able to make a good soup without a recipe - which I hadn't even considered till I realised that Bloke couldn't; bed now; a bit of chocolate.
Night night xx
1:01 a.m. - 05.04.20
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