annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Back to self care

I've been reading the part of my blog that covers when I started the long recovery programme - autumn 2008 - and it's been a real eye-opener and timely reminder of cause and effect. I can rant and wail about being fed up of being tired as much as I like, but pushing against it has only been making me unravel mentally as well as not helping physically.

So I'm taking it seriously. Woo hoo. I went to Yin Yoga today, the nearest I can find to restorative yoga and although it was more demanding than I would have liked, too many people in a room with a low ceiling and miles too hot, I came out feeling chilled and softened in mind and body, so that's a keeper. They have an introductory offer of £30 for 30 days, as many sessions as you like. This yin yoga is on twice a week so if I do that regularly for these four weeks, I should see some benefit. This is what it says on the website:

Intro to Yin Yoga: Defined in opposition to more dynamic styles of yoga (Yang), Yin helps you enter into a profound state of relaxation and mental release, as gravity does the work instead of physical power. Yin sequences create space in your joints, muscles, mind, and soul; fewer postures held for much longer. Holding these prop-supported poses for what can feel like forever opens the layers of connective tissues around your joints, releasing areas of tension that more dynamic yoga sequences do not have time to access. Yin also gives you the space to observe your thoughts and feelings without identifying with them.

What to expect: In these healing classes you will hold seemingly ‘easy’ postures for up to 3-5 minutes. As you ease into seated or reclined poses you are likely to struggle and want to move. But that is half the battle, however, once you let go you develop an inner awareness and heightened state of calm. A great way to end a stressful day, come move into stillness, self-awareness and serenity. Then go home and sleep like a baby.

Though it's no good saying a great way to end a stressful day when both of the classes are in the morning, but there you go.

The thing I notice most in those old posts is how much I loved swimming in the open air pool at the gym in winter months. I go on about it all the time - it was just lush. The water was heated (obviously - I'm not that mental!) but cooled down quite a bit when the temp was sub-zero. It was sometimes cold when I first got in but after a couple of lengths it was fine - I always ended by floating on my back for a bit, totally comfortable. What I loved was the peace - there was hardly ever anyone else in there - and the feeling of a cold face and warm body. I liked it when steam rose off the water and I loved swimming in the dark, which often happens when it's dark by 4pm. Flaoting on your back looking up at the night sky is blissful. Such an expensive gym though - I was a member because I looked after my friend's dog while she was at work and she paid my monthly bill. There's no way I could afford it now - I just checked and the cheapest deal for someone my age is £70 a month but it's fifteen miles away, so thirty for a round trip .and the petrol costs would add up as well.

Qi gong, that was the other thing I was loving back then, at the expensive gym and wow, I discover that a class has started up on Mondays at the Recovery Centre which people say is fabulous. A proper teacher comes in to lead it and it's free! Yay! I shall go tomorrow. So that's two yoga and a qi gong weekly, sadly all between Sunday and Wednesday but still bloody good, I hope.

This feels like a blethering on kind of post, but not to worry. One of the great things about blogging is that readers can stop at any point they like - no one's under any obligation to read. It's great reading my old posts and remembering that one of my key readers was future me, and I am appreciating the kind of detail that is of no interest to anyone else.

But it's late now and I must go to sleep - just want to add that for two consecutive days I have wanted to take ED out but she's been fast asleep so I haven't been down there. Tomorrow after qi gong I'll go and sit with her even if she is asleep, but these last two days I just didn't.

Fuck, I did a writing course yesterday - how did I forget that? The writing organisation that's funding my 'free read' by the literary consultancy also funded this - the woman in charge thinks I should be part of the local writing community - but there were only four of us there and none of the others were local. It was great though - writing on the spot and sharing it and getting a good response and managing to stay for the whole two and a half hours, doing brain work. Keeled over when I got home and had to go to bed, but I made it through - gold star for me.

I've fallen out of the habit of writing gratitudes but here are five things I am grateful for now: having my own little dog, not just borrowing a friend's; finding the groups I need at prices I can afford; having a roof over my head; and dinner in my belly; and a comfortable bed and friends both near and far and family I love and who love me, which is more than five but that's how lucky I am!

Night night xx


11:13 p.m. - 14.07.19


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