annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary



OK, so this is me updating straight into the box on wordpress. [Sorry diarylanders, I can't do the photos] I've managed to add a photo but it's fucking massive. It's me in the finished dress I made in sewing group, with a pattern taken from a dress I own, a one size, blissfully comfortable if not necessarily flattering dress. I bought this fabric about nine years ago to make curtains then lost my nerve.img_43821 Oh I seem to have shrunk the picture.

There's also one that may be above, of a crow on a breakwater. Time will tell where that one will end up.


Woo hoo, here's another one! this is the thing I am making for ED, a shawl/blanket/scarf, I can't decide but it's to wrap her up when we can finally get outside again without having to fight her stiffening arms each time we move round a corner into a different level of wind and/or sun. I'm probably going to just keep going till she's well enough to go out - we're waiting for a pressure sore to heal and hoping for a different wheelchair as well, but only vaguely - fuck hope.

There's too much going on again. YD is back under the care of the psych crisis team - thank god on the one hand that they are there and so brilliant, but unbearable that she needs them again, only six months since the last time. ED, as mentioned, is still bedridden, and due to have an operation but we STILL haven't been able to get a discussion about the pros and cons of having it or not having it. It's rumoured to be getting rid of the biggest kidney stone with a laser - there's a name for this op but I've forgotten it - so I want to know what will happen if she doesn't have the op, what are the risks, what are the gains. we've been waiting a month - they NHS is obviously being dismantled as we speak, but I don't know if this lack of communication is due to overwork or incompetence but neither make me feel confident about giving permission for them to invade my daughter's body which is already so compromised. Sigh.

And Stepfie, blessed, darling Stepfie. I don't seem to have more than a few minutes here and there to get my head around the fact that she's gone. Her daughters both posted beautiful tributes to her today - man, they are her daughters to the core, unbearable that they should lose her. Her funeral is on the 14th. It had better not clash with ED's operation. I have a selection of cards I bought to send her - I got into a routine of asking in the independent card shop for the one they had most complaints about and bunging it in the post to Stepfie whenever the cancer crept back up. I don't know who else would appreciate a picture of a 50s styled woman and the words, "I don't have Tourettes, you're just a cunt," while knowing that I do love them.

Thank you for leaving comments - it seems that wp does accept them from non-wp-ers, thank goodness. I don't feel so scared out here in the big world now I know you guys are with me. I hope I haven't lost Dia, Bert, Janice or Michele. Aw just writing that list, and knowing how many are still here for sure makes me feel a load better. If you write a blog or have an Instagram page, please let me know so I can follow you too. I need to get this page updated as well - the list of links on the left is well old and out of date and I want a new picture, but one thing at a time.

Right, bed now. I am grateful for: my friend T appearing at singing - we spontaneously hugged after not meeting for several years, brilliant to see her; the staff at the care home being kind and loving to my girl; Hil for helping me get started here (look Hil, I'm doing pics! Not well, but I'm having a go!); getting my firewood gathering head back on - I can spot wood on a shingle beach from a good old distance considering I have fucking cataracts; still here, still standing.

Take care dear friends. Sleep well xxx

12:05 a.m. - 03.11.16


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