annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Yikes
I'm having my first session of EMDR tomorrow. Finally. It's taken about 18 months to get my Healthy Adult strong enough, my Vulnerable Little Anna noticed and considered enough and the Critical Parent to shut up enough for me to be ready. I'm a mixture of excited and trepidatious. It's said to be powerful and effective and also exhausting. Scary.
Today I made a collage for S, the woman who sent me the conkers to make washing liquid. It was in Tuesday art group, getting harder and harder as we go longer and longer without a teacher. Only four of us there today, including one who couldn't get any art together and just sat listening and one who wouldn't turn her video on, which I find a bit worrying, in case she's hurt herself. The one who just sat did start by saying they'd bumped into the volunteer who used to take the group. Apparently she in a dispute with Mind, the charity that took over mental health provision in our county, who won't pay her expenses as agreed before she started. I can believe this as when I was running a writing group for them as a volunteer, they were fucking awful. There's going to be a user forum next week, which the others say they're going to attend and tell them what they think, but I'm not going. We've had all this before - when they got rid of key workers they had a forum and client surveys - none of us wanted to lose our key worker, of course we didn't. Having someone who knows all your history is massively helpful, but they still got rid of them so now you have to tell your fucking story - as I'm writing this I'm feeling as if I already wrote it, so I'll stop. This is the collage, anyway:
Not sure if I like it.
I was going to swim today but there was a pollution warning from the surfers site for the beach where I swim. Disappointing. Some people went anyway, keeping their gobs shut and their heads out of the water, but I feel I need to seek advice about all my pre-cancerous lesions before I go swimming in dirty water. It doesn't sound inviting does it? As I write I'm wondering what I'm even thinking.
11:57 p.m. - 01.11.22
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