annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 211

Just had a pipe, no baccy, just a bit of pot. Pot not grass. Felt bored with myself, wanting to write, but nothing to say, which is often the case, but tonight it bugged me. I think writing every night is hard, but I worry that if I let it slip for more than a single night every few weeks, I'll drift back into not writing. I don't know why that feels like it would be a tragedy, but it does. Anyway, here I am writing again, blethering on, not sure where I'm going, keeping going till I find out.

We're at a very strange place with the virus here in the UK. I don't follow the news very much, but I keep an eye on the figures and of course we all talk about it - any time I chat to anyone else, in person, on the phone, beginning of Zoom meetings, wherever, the virus is talked about. It's not the absolute first thing any more - we're more used to it, I suppose, but we all seem to have different views so we want to see what everyone else thinks.

For the record, on this day I am a bit scared, but not as much as I was. I have the Covid Symptom Study app, which is run out of King's College London and Stanford University Med School in the US. Prof Tim Spector who gives a weekly video update, is very reassuring in the face of so much untrustworthiness in our politicians and news reporting. They get figures a few days ahead of govt ones. He says the rate of increase in cases has slowed down in the last week, from 100% the week before to 10% this last week. The south isn't really having a second wave, which isn't to say it won't, and even London isn't too bad. But up north there's much more and although the rate of increase is slowing down in some places up there, not everywhere.

Now I've written it down I don't know why I find it reassuring - yes I do - it's because I believe him. Even if he said it was going to get much much worse here, I'd still feel more settled because I'd believe it and be able to make preparations. The bunch of twats that are running things just make shit up on a daily basis, with no logic at all. The regulations about how many people can get together (6) have so many loopholes that they're pointless and damaging to the mental health of those who try to be good, law-abiding citizens.

I'm hoping for the best but trying to prepare for the worst. I'm trying to lose weight as that's a risk factor, and eating as well as I can - for dinner tonight I had roast lamb with seven vegetables - a great big mountain - potatoes, parsnips, celeriac, carrots, cabbage, beans and onions and I'n doing the Vits C and D, the turmeric, the kefir, the yoghurt. This is to support my immune system which is generally pretty good. I hardly ever get flu or even a cold - can't remember the last time I had a blocked nose, but it would be stupid to get complacent about it. Or to believe that this is like insurance - it's not, it's just doing what I can to give myself the best chance. Then it's about cutting down as many risk factors as possible without getting manic about it and without making life a total misery. So I'm not doing things indoors, apart from acupuncture and osteopathy, both of which are in the same clinic, which staggers appointments so I never see anyone apart from the therapist and the rooms are cleaned down between appointments. Masks are worn. I wear a mask now if I'm walking in a town centre and I've got more fastidious about changing masks, and washing them. I've been in cars with friends, one at a time, all cautious people, masks on, windows open. The bus feels too risky again - that last time, a woman with no mask, too close, then a pissed bloke with a filthy mask under his chin. It was OK, I didn't catch anything from either of them, but the more you're exposed, the greater the risk and fuck that.

I think having lived through all this awfulness of Sammie dying has put me in a different position to many others now. I haven't made it through all that to be beaten by this, not mentally at least. If I catch the virus then we'll see how I go, but with the living in fear, I'm not surrendering to it. I mean, I am very anxious, but I make myself keep going, keep doing the things that work, even if they're not working now, as it will pass, and I have to be ready for when it does - if I let myself fall into inactivity I'm scared I'll never move again. So even when I feel like shit, I will write this blog, I will do yoga, I will go to writing groups and art groups and walk and phone people and paint. I fucking will. I have.

Bloke sorted out the volume on the yoga streaming, thank god and thank you Bloke. I have to access it via the app, not via the notification they send me. I have no idea why but I did the class today with lovely Gary and all was well.

I also made a batch of rose hip syrup from the hips on the wild roses in the garden. I got annoyed with picking them, repeatedly getting my clothes caught in the thorns, so only had 500g of hips which just made a small bottle but it's so totally delicious that I'm going to make time to pick loads more tomorrow and freeze them if necessary. There are loads down the meadow where I walk Shirley - I wouldn't want to denude any particular batch but I can probably pick a kilo without too much trouble. All you have to do is pick through to make sure they're all firm, trim the stems right off, wash them, blitz them in a processor, boil them for fifteen minutes, then, this is the key bit that wasn't in my previous recipe, strain it through a double layer of muslin, letting it drip for half an hour, then strain the resulting liquid again, through a fresh double layer of muslin. Then add sugar (325g per 500ml of liquid) heat slowly, boil for three minutes and voila, so delicious. It doesn't taste like rosewater, but it is delicate and lovely. I'm meant to be right off sugar, but I've only had a bit. Honest.

Three good things today: Good chat with Daughter as I was walking Shirley on the rec; I listened to the lecture about genius in the series I signed up to - it was too much for me really but it was good to grasp that Da Vinci was a great experimenter and observer - ooh, that happens... I wonder if... and also the linguistics of it all. Then I started this week's drawing - it's an angry looking man, by Da Vinci, whose face is all based on geometry. I had to stop because I was too tired but I'm excited to see how it ends up.

Take care, keep safe, thanks for reading, see you tomorrow perhaps xx

10:50 p.m. - 11.10.20


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