annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


March 23rd

Better today. Not now, but I think evenings are hard. I keep busy all day but then I'm tired, too tired to do much, so watch tv and my brain wanders into places it's better not going.

We're finally in lockdown, thank god - people have been idiots. I'm so glad I started isolating myself a week ago, though it's not long enough to feel certain. Mind you,  it never would be certain unless we had massive food supplies and nothing needed to come in from the outside world. There is no certainty so we have to live with the fear. Which we will get used to. I got used to the fear that Sam would die, by which I mean I was only sick with dread and despair sometimes.

I'm sticking with the meditation as I think that's crucial to living as well as possible with all this shit. Today I did another live yoga session with my guy from the Buddhist centre and as always with his classes, I felt a million times better when I finished than I had when I started. So I'm going to try and do at least a half hour session every day, using youtube for the days when his class is in the evening, which is not for me. The live class was bliss though - there were people from all around the world and he could see us on his screen - he was visibly moved by it. I was a bit appalled to realise he could see us - I was doing it in the back room downstairs which was neither clean nor tidy - I just cleared enough space to put my mat down. Shirley sat on it at once - this is not the messy bit:


She was asleep on the sofa for most of the class but came and licked me a lot when I was doing (well, I say doing but to be honest it's more like "doing") the bridge pose.

When I facetimed with Daughter earlier she moved her phone so I could see Grandson, who was sitting at the table in the front room, with a shirt and tie, busy on his laptop. He said he was working from home and was making it as work-like as possible. God, I love that boy.

I also had counselling today, on the phone. It was odd, to be honest. I would have preferred to have had it yesterday when I'd hit rock bottom rather than today when I felt better and didn't want to revisit feeling shite, but nor did I want to present as coping more brilliantly than I am. I hope he's OK, R, my counsellor. He said he was.

So the plan is:

  • Projects - we have the garden for good weather days but need something indoors as well. I think it's important to not be just waiting for time to pass, but seeing some progress in something. I'm going to start with making the back room more appealing.

  • Learning something new so we come out of this better than we started. I'm doing the keyboard (haven't practised today, and now it's late - I've been busy), but there's loads of things available online and now all the time in the world. A language, knitting, painting, cooking... I dunno, what else is there? Loads. What do you fancy?

  • Exercise. If we don't move our bodies we won't sleep well and then everything will go even more to shit and it's bad enough already. As I've mentioned, there are loads of online things to help, but dancing is a great place to start.

  • Support - we have to stay in touch - email, text, facetime, blog - make contact - especially if you live alone, or alone with children or anything - especially if you're a person living through a fucking bad sci-fi movie, don't try and do this alone.

I think there's more but I've forgotten.

Take care, dear friends. How are you doing? How is it where you are? What tips do you have? Or links to good things. We can do this. Hugs xxx


11:36 p.m. - 23.03.20


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