annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


March 28th Day 17

I jumped the days up so this is now Day 17 after talking to Son, who reminded me that  two weeks ago we were in the city, freaking out about no one taking it seriously and after checking back in the blog, I first mentioned it on March 12th, so let's call this Day 17, because fuck it, it's not Day 6, is it? I might go back and change it in the intervening entries but I might not.

Even yesterday seems like a lifetime ago - time is expanding and shrinking like a motherfucker, don't you think? I don't know that I have anything new to report today. I'm bedding in to this new life - there are so many things I want to do every day that I always end up with some not done, which feels normal and so much better than a vast unknowable ocean of time opening up in front of me.

It was good to talk to Son. We had a long chat and I could tell he's OK too. His boss had given them loads of difficult work to do and he told me that when someone complained she said, "No, you're all intelligent, hard-working people - if you don't have something to keep you busy and engaged, you'll go mad cooped up indoors, so shut up and get this back to me by tomorrow." By the end of the next day they were all tired but very glad she was their boss. I don't know what the work was, but he'd loved it. He also said he realised he almost always hates going out to meet people and is pretty much OK home alone, keeping in touch with those he wants to keep in touch with by phone.

That's one thing I have been doing - calling people I care about - now working through those I haven't spoken to for a while but still count as friends. Building up to calling M - another bloody friend whose name starts with M - this is the one who's been difficult all along and we're 'giving each other some space' at the moment, for the third time in our thirty year friendship, but you know, she gets on my nerves and I don't want to speak to her right now but I do love her and I want her to know that, the cow.

You may notice that I'm keeping the focus on myself and those close to me, not mentioning the wider picture, not acknowledging that in the scheme of things, I'm amongst the lucky ones. I am aware of it, believe me, but I am doing my best to keep steady and for that I have to close my eyes to a lot of it. I am lucky not to be quarantined with small, energetic children, with arsey teenagers, with anyone who has underlying ill health. My elderly parents and my very disabled daughter have already gone, so I am not beside myself with worry for them. I am lucky that my house is paid for, no rent, no mortgage and although we have fuck all in the way of disposable income, we're covered. I'm lucky that although Bloke gets on my nerves, I find I'm glad he's here now, that I'm not alone. He doesn't drink, he isn't violent, he doesn't expect to be waited on hand and foot, he's not still sneaking off with his mates and we've known each other since 1971 so we know how to rub along when we have to. I'm not homeless, I'm not a refugee, I can manage my mental ill health - it takes almost all that I've got, but I have no other responsibilities so I can focus on that.

People I know are volunteering in all kinds of ways, but I'm not going to, at least for a while and maybe not at all. I go to pieces under the stupidest amount of pressure, which can lead to more work for others rather than less. I have started the art groups from home, so I am contributing something, albeit small, and I hope to be able to do more later. If I keep up meditating every day and manage to develop a daily yoga practice who knows what I might be capable of.

Today I meditated; cleaned the kitchen; participated in singing group online*; practised my keyboard; walked Shirley on the beach for an hour; did the yin yoga; spoke to people on the phone and blogged.

*for the last time, I think - too stressful with the technology.  I'm planning making a playlist of songs with lyrics on youtube and just singing along to that at the time the group is on.

I parked by the Canadian War Memorial to start my walk as it made me think of swordfern@diaryland who is my long-distance isolation buddy



and here's Shirley being Good, after sticking close all through the yoga



Thank you for the notes and comments. Take good care of yourselves xxx

2:04 a.m. - 29.03.20


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March 29th Day 18 - 29.03.20

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