annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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High on the hills
5/3/24
It’s a very deathly time. We lost our Bill, also a few favourite famous people, like Steve Wright and Dave Myers and it’s been the two year anniversary of two founding members of the grief swimmers. I’ve become close to both of them - their sons coincidentally died in March 2022, one on the third, one on the fifth, both in car crashes. We always say there’s no Top Trumps when it comes to losing a child – it’s fucking awful whatever way it arrives, but I still feel glad I didn’t have the knock on the door in the middle of the night and some police on the doorstep holding their hats in their hands.
Today I met H up in the hills where they’ve got a bench dedicated to their son, a bench with a beautiful view out over the Sussex Weald. Do you dedicate benches to dead people you loved and now miss in other parts of the world or is it a British thing? I’d like one for Sammie but they’re too expensive. I arrived early so I could walk up to the dew pond which I mistakenly thought was just round the corner. It was over a mile, on lumpy, chalk and flint paths, uphill all the way until a last section downhill across a field where the grass was so sodden after all the rain that I slipped about all over the place.
I was limping badly before I even got there, but here’s a thing I learned. At first I was only aware of the pain in my ankle, but gradually I needed a wee and my awareness of that took over. In the end it became urgent and I had to squat down at the side of the path, half hidden in a hedge – I was pleased to note that following my HIIT classes I was able to rise back to standing without having to put a hand onto the wet ground. Very relieved to not need a wee, but fucking hell, the pain in the ankle was back at once.
Apart from that it was blissful to be out alone in the fresh air, high on the hills with long views all around, the patchwork of fields, a few lights in villages, ebbing and flowing as the clouds came and went. It rained on and off all the time, which I also enjoyed. I do need a hat with a brim that keeps the rain off my glasses, but apart from that I’m well kitted out and it’s sheer joy to be out in the rain, to feel it falling on your face. I kept putting my hood down – in the end I was pretty wet as it snuck down my neck.
Then I met H and some of her late son’s friends, gathered round his bench in the fading light. One of the friends had brought a clarinet and played ‘Fly me to the moon’, one of his favourite songs and we all cried a bit. Perfect.
12:09 a.m. - 06.03.24
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