annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Christmas and that
I hardly ever go this long without writing and I’m going to try not to do it again. My only plan for the new year is to try and blog every day, 500 words, whether I have anything to say or not. When I read back over my old blogs, the ones that start with no ideas are often the ones I enjoy the most.
Quick update for the sake of future me – I do always hate it when there’s a blank patch and I think, ‘Well? Did you even do Christmas that year?’ So we did and it was good. I’d got myself into a big state about it with the kids, as Son and I had reconciled but he and Daughter hadn’t. My determination to not take sides at any point struggled when he was quite vague about when/if he was coming to stay as he’d had the noro virus and probably wouldn’t come, so Daughter would, then he was better, but not well enough to drive – on it went, making my anxiety shoot through the roof. I did say to Daughter at one point that if it came to it, he could stay at mine as he’s been outside the family and has expressed a need to be with us, whereas she’s here all the time and has other options for Christmas Day. She was happy with that.
He turned up on Christmas Eve, looking very wee (Scottish expression caught from my brother-in-law, means what it says), went to bed almost at once. I told Daughter, we agreed to swim in the sea at 10 in the morning and take it from there. When I did my bedtime yoga nidra for sleep, I picked one that has a San Kalpa, or an expression of the heart’s deepest desire, phrased as if it already happens. I thought three times, ‘My children both come to Christmas dinner and we have a great time as we are a great family’, made my thanks then let it go. And fuck me, that’s just how it went. Daughter later told me she prayed over it (she seems to have swapped cocaine for god in her 12 step programme), but however it happened she came, he was here, Grandson and the GF came too, we ate loads and played games and laughed, man we laughed such a lot. When the others had gone, as Son was saying goodnight he said, ‘I’d forgotten how much we laugh, how we all bounce off each other, you, me, Daughter and Grandson, we all think the same way. How lucky we are that this is our family.’ Which is all true. So obviously that made me cry quite a lot, but not till he’d gone to bed.
He stayed a few more days, doing proper resting, with a bit of walking in nature and lots of chat and healthy home cooked food. It’s interesting, I don’t want to cook for Bloke, but I still want to cook for my kids. Bloke’s not at all well so I have been cooking for him – I did the Christmas dinner which was the biggest meal I’ve done for ages – only for six of us but one vegan. And lots of brothy soups. I’ve eaten fucking masses, all the extras I bought as no one else wanted anything – biscuits, peanuts, brandy butter, a whole massive Christmas pud – although to be fair Son ate a bit of that and I did spread it over five days – the last of it yesterday. Delicious.
This bit of the year drags on, doesn’t it? NYE tomorrow then Jan 1st which is a holiday, then the 2nd which was my brother’s birthday. Can’t be doing with any of it, to be honest. I’ll swim tomorrow – ooh, lightening, now thunder, the little dog has leapt up on the sofa, trembling. The sea has been so wild – strong winds forever it seems.
12:14 a.m. - 31.12.23
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