annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Hello/Goodbye

New Year’s Eve. Don’t give a toss, really. I’ve been half watching Living in the Material world, the George Harrison film. I’m pleased that he was a bit of git as well as all the other aspects, the love, the spiritual side. Rick Astley’s on now – he’s what makes me wish I’d made it to Glasto – him singing The Smiths in a small tent round a few corners away from the main palaver.
I’d skip this paragraph if you’re sensitive. I went for a swim in the harbour at around 3.30, as the light was fading, hoping for a glorious sky. Daughter came too, with the 3 yr old boy she looks after sometime. They made a fire, I went in the sea, fucking freezing but exhilarating and fabulous. Got dressed, poured my mint tea into a mug, sat by the fire pit, thinking I’d stay for a while, at least until it got dark. But I needed a piss and couldn’t be arsed to try and do one with my dry robe and big trousers to manipulate, so though I’d go home. But as I hauled myself up to standing I knew I’d not make it so I went behind one of the sea defences, hidden from the road and the people using the sauna, exposed to the harbour, but almost dark so not really. Heave the dry robe up, trousers down, squat, and bloody hell, not just a piss but a huge shit, all at once, most unexpected – it’s taking that position, it’s how we were designed to defecate, I guess I should just be glad I don’t have a shit each time I’m taking a piss on the beach. Nothing to wipe my arse with, until, digging deep in the pockets – huge pockets – I found the offcuts of indigo-dyed Indian cotton the nice woman in the fabric shop had cut off for me last week, to decide which one I wanted. Sorry love, they’re floating off into the English Channel, along with a couple of unused dog poo bags that I found first but weren’t much cop to be honest. You may wonder why I’m describing this in such detail, such unnecessary detail, but it’s for me, future me, when I am old and bored this will make me laugh. Daughter laughed when I told her but the kid was astonished – “Your mummy pooed?!?” Yes, kid, even amazons like me have to poo, not always at the best time and place.
I’ve had blood pressure stuff going on and the very pleasant doctor, who showed me the NICE recommendations and treated me like an adult who could make her own choices, said, “If you were really old, like in your 90s, I’d say ok, don’t take the meds, but you’re only 69, you’ve got years of life ahead of you, so please take them.” So I am taking them. Cheered me right up that did. Only 69 indeed.
Good things in 2023:
1. Finding the fitness group and doing it quite a lot – will do it more now I’m back in
2. S-J H recording my song for me – she’s a proper singer, was with Massive Attack for a while – recorded a song I wrote! Amazing
3. Getting to a good place with the kids
4. Therapy – fab, painful, exhausting, worthwhile
5. Grief swimmers – amazing
6. Deepening my friendships with the Sheffield writers group.
7. Giving less and less of a fuck about many many things
8. Joining a choir and singing a solo! First verse of Both Sides Now.
9. Swimming in the sea all winter, making new pals along the way
10. Baking bread, making mayo, eating much much better.

12:19 a.m. - 01.01.24

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