annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Putting it down

Don't read the second paragraph if you're feeling sensitive -I had to get it out but you don't have to read it. 


I had an induction session with a new mental health facility that I knew nothing about until last week. They keep their services pretty well hidden. It's out of hours drop in support, or phone support. The woman I was with was very nice - she'd been a palliative care nurse at the hospice where Sam went in 2017  - but it stirred me up talking about it all again. 


That was yesterday, now it's Sunday night - totally done in after today's grief swimmer's monthly meeting. There were seven of us today - too many for what we do - but four had lost their teenage children to suicide which is beyond anything. I'm going to write it down to try and put it down because I can't carry it and I don't know what else to do. A has been coming for a while. Her daughter stepped out in front of a train, leaving a note about being bullied at school for years and her family had no idea. D's son had been in a school play about suicide - when it was over he hung himself from a tree in their garden, leaving a devastating note - his family had had no idea. C's son had taken loads of acid - more than his share, grabbed it and took it then hours later did what he thought was a parkour jump off a railway bridge onto the tracks far below. Was he taking his own life? None of them know. He bought the acid from the next door boy - the families had been friends but they aren't now. P's son sent all his friends a suicide note by text so they contacted his mother but it was too late. They had no idea, none of them. These were all in the last few years - during or after lockdown. 


I'm putting it down.  Going back to watching UK Ghosts from the beginning.


See you tomorrow xx

10:44 p.m. - 08.10.23

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