annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Body
My homework was to write about my body at three different points in my life, at specific moments.
- 1966, I am 12 years old and 5'8" tall. I feel like a giant. It's a Tuesday afternoon and on our way back to the boarding house after school we've spotted The Small Faces having tea in The Polly Tea Shoppe. Bands often stopped here in Marlborough - half way between London and Bristol. We lurk outside for autographs, in our navy blue school uniforms, gaberdine macs open, revealing tunics, shirts, ties. All my friends are shorter than me and when the band emerge they are too, barely past my shoulders and they are men. I feel the blush rising on my face. Steve Marriot, the singer, my hero, looks up at me and grins as he signs my book. I think he's going to make some awful comment but he doesn't, he signs and turns away. I wish I was dead.
- 1983 Late April. I'm pregnant, so fucking pregnant. Is this child ever going to appear? I sit in the overgrown garden at Dot's place, with my friend Kim. It's hot, really hot. We've stripped off and sit in our underwear, legs stretched out in the long grass, backs propped up against the warm red brick wall. My belly is enormous, like a comedy pregnant belly, too big, my arms and legs too thin. The top of the belly pushes my enormous breasts up so they rest on it, waiting for the baby to arrive, for their work to begin. There's room in front for me to rest my glass of water quite safely and to let go of it. Kim and I laugh; the baby pushes out against the walls with hands and feet. The glass wobbles but doesn't fall.
- 2023 I'm in a yoga class as part of an equinox ceremony. The room has a sloping roof and a glass wall overlooking the woods. At one end is a large gong on a frame, surrounded by other percussion instruments. There are twenty of us on mats, following the teacher. As often happens these days, I'm the oldest and the fattest but as the session progresses I see that I'm among the most flexible. My yoga teacher Jim always says, "Don't get hung up on being bendy - nobody cares how bendy you are," But today I feel pride in my body and I'm going to embrace that pride. Yes, I can squat with my feet flat and my bum just off the floor. Yes, I can raise a straight leg while lying on the mat and lower it almost to the floor at the side. Well done, old body. we're doing good, aren't we? OK, I can't do plank. Yet. But I will, you wait and see.
I'm loving the new and last season of Sex Education on Netflix and struggle to not binge through it all at once. And I have three signed up for sure to Thursday's writing group which is a relief. Three weeks in a row and I've broken even each time. I hope to slowly get more people.
11:50 p.m. - 26.09.23
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