annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SGW Today we had the monthly bereaved parents (aka Salty Grief Warriors), swim, which as ever was both a blessing and fucking awful. Two new members, including our first father, both of whose children had taken their own lives. Man. Both quite recent, years but not many years - unbearable. I mean none of this is bearable, but I can't see how you keep going after that. Though all of them - there's a long-standing member whose child also died by suicide - all of them have other children, which is why they're still here, just about. I like that an important part of what we do in our meetings is take it in turns to speak, for about five or ten minutes each, without interruption of any kind. No questions, no suggestions, no words. Maybe a squeeze of a hand, a stroke of an arm. This is all we can offer these parents, isn't it? Just listen, intently, respectfully, quietly, without bringing our own shit. One spoke, briefly, haltingly, tearfully, the other chose not to. Then we swam and then chatted and suddenly it was freer and easier and we shared all kinds of stuff like how we respond when asked how many children we have (we all say all of them - I have three), whether we use past or present tense when telling their name - my elder daughter's name is Sam or was Sam? We're different about telling people though - I tell everybody - not crowbarring it into every interaction, but not in any way shying away from mentioning it when it's relevant. I often wave away the response - I'm not fishing for sympathy or anything, I'm just saying this is how it is. Others say nothing. 12:16 a.m. - 10.07.23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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