annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Five

• I'm not going to Glasto. Too tired, too emotional, no reserves, can't face it, not going. Instead, Daughter and I are going camping. Near here for a few days then on to the north Kent coast for a few more days. It's going to be about resting, mooching about, reading, writing, drawing, painting. That kind of thing. Sleeping in the fresh air. Nature. No crowds. 


• The EMDR session was really powerful and interesting. I wasn't able to walk away from the stepmother, instead, as it progressed I felt stronger and stronger and suddenly there was Little Her, the lost, vulnerable side of her, brought up by a fierce scary mother and a harsh father, in poverty, living through a war in which she lost a whole group of friends when the cinema was bombed, losing her husband just after the war, then her baby son. I didn't think all that at the time, I just could see where she came from and it was a hard place. Yes she was cruel to me, but here I am, not cruel, learning how to love. All OK. Weird though - not what I was expecting.


• Bloke had his last radiotherapy. He's gradually found it harder and harder, but today he had his last session and now he can stop the medication that was giving him the hot flushes and all that. It's likely to be a couple of weeks before he starts to feel better. I'm numb to it all. Who knows where we'll go from here?


• I've been swimming every day and it's noticeably getting warmer. 13C today. I wish the north wind would fuck off - it's north-easterly now which doesn't even leave the sea flat and it's been blowing forever, quite hard, too hard to enjoy sitting around in it. 


• I have gone back to writing gratitudes, I'm doing a month of them with photos so it's on Instagram and Facebook. It's been a lot about swimming

11:30 p.m. - 08.06.23

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