annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Day 67

I've just sat and watched all three one-hour long episodes of Quiz, a drama about Who Wants to be a Millionaire and the cheating case and now it's gone midnight, meh.

I've been thwarted at various points today. I was up and dressed ready for my 5Rhythms session, good and early. Logged on (or whatever it's called) and N, the teacher, had some nice gentle music going to warm up us early birds, which was cool - it takes a while to get your head round dancing on your own just after breakfast in a small room with shelves of saucepans on one side, piles of yoga gear opposite, and a table loaded up with things like a sewing machine, a bowl of sourdough starter. It's different to the average dancing experience. I sorted the room out once long ago and made it look acceptable... But anyway, with the music coming through the speakers and N on the tablet screen dancing away, and with some serious intent, I'm eventually able to ignore my surroundings and let the music take me away from it all.


I've been feeling like my body is seizing up, despite the yoga, and that it needs some different kind of movement and this is the one for me. After a while I was well into it, swirling and twirling about, waving my arms in the air, swaying with the rhythm, and then we lost her. No sound. The tech assistant came on OK from her house - we could see and hear her, but we couldn't get back to N. After half an hour she reappeared, but no sound. I waited another ten minutes but then I had to go - too stressful, really fucking stressful.

I went back to bed in a sulk and Daughter called and invited me to meet her on the seafront for a walk, which we did. There were too many people - like it's all over, but it isn't. No distancing, no masks. Loads of people, like any old Sunday in any old May. I freaked out a bit. OK, a lot.

0CA4FF29-3E70-4F13-8EFD-FC54B29948E6It's too much of a contrast - is it cognitive dissonance?  My doctor's surgery sent out a text saying the virus was still active in our community, we are all still at risk, distancing is still very important, stay at home if you can, if you must go out, consider a face mask, wash your hands regularly, stay safe. I've been part of the problem, going out then moaning about the people out there. I won't any more. Not into town, just up over the hills, if I can still cross the road.

I'd prepared dinner last night - an Italian lamb thing which marinates overnight then cooks slowly for three hours, so I set that up to be ready after yoga, if it came on - by this time I'd discovered that Zoom had gone down, not just our class - although I later found out it had let ten people back in, out of over twenty.

But yoga did come on, yay, lovely Gary, taking us into a deep, meditative place, far away from the nightmare and the stress, long poses, whole body relaxation, even my sciatic leg, blissful. Really peaceful, bliss. He gave us an extra half hour, by which time dinner was burnt to fuck. Well, not quite to fuck, we picked the top black bit off and there was a layer that was only dried out, not burnt as such, before you got to the crisp, solid blackness welded to the Le Creuset pot. Big fucking sigh. I mean, it was OK, edible, but not much of it, not delicious yumminess with enough for tomorrow. I want to make it again soon, on a night when I don't have anything else and can just keep an eye on it.

So that's been my day, good bits and not so good. Big Monday meditation tomorrow though so I hope I can hold onto some of the chill for that for a bit longer.



12:50 a.m. - 18.05.20


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