annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 70 Had the second lot of photodynamic therapy on my leg today, same as before, no pain, no mess, just the anxiety produced by the leaflet they sent me ahead of the appointment, detailing all the worst case scenarios, and having to sit for ages in the waiting room, hot and increasingly panicky inside the mask. The NHS is free but it comes with waiting. The nurse was kind and said I could come earlier for the second bit this afternoon, so I did but then they were even later so I had extra time to spend trying not to let anxiety explode in a public place. But it's done now and all I have to do is try to remember to put sunscreen on it when I go outside. I mostly fail at this. In between these two sessions I dozed in bed, trying to not feel ... hard to pinpoint - shame? guilt? disappointment? - for not having had a decent walk for even longer now, for falling right out of the three miles a day habit I'd maintained for so long. I did some yoga though and an online drawing thing for Mental Health Awareness Week - The Art of Mindfulness - which could be described as scribbling with your eyes closed, but there's more to it than that (Is there?). I also signed up for a local writers' thing - a month of daily short exercises on the theme of Write What You Know, but I found myself a bit overwhelmed with all the different pages and links and fucking perky chat everywhere. I'm going to do it, I think. My friend in Rome reports that she's going out for drinks with colleagues at the weekend, the first time she will have been with a person she knows (ie not a security guard or shopkeeper) for 72 days. Man. She's done so well. 11:56 p.m. - 20.05.20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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