annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back Can't believe I've gone so long without writing, almost a week. It's been proper shite really. Well, not really, just me dramatising everything. Like the injection, the steroid injection. I've been waiting for this for three fucking years and then when I finally got a date for it, I knew I was going to die. Daughter and I had been talking about intuition, when we know things without knowing how we know. With ref to someone trying to take their own life, making a real serious attempt, only prevented by lucky chance. I KNEW that was what they were doing, though I didn't know how I knew, but when they weren't answering their phone - they never answer their fucking phone - I knew why. I was meant to be out buying them a birthday present but I couldn't. I couldn't face them being dead and me having this present so I didn't, then I found out I'd been right, that was exactly what they were doing. So when I knew the injection was going to kill me, I was beside myself, half determined to get my affairs in order, tell my darlings how much I love them, send messages of appreciation to all those I appreciate, half telling myself to get a fucking grip, shape up, calm down, all that. I couldn't tell anyone this as it was bonkers and melodramatic, though I did believe it, but as you can see, here I am. By the time I had the damn thing on Thursday I was a nervous wreck, then after it I was knackered, but I had loads of shit to do on Friday - writing group at the recovery centre, yoga with my grief swimming pal, E, then a swim in the harbour with Daughter. Yesterday nothing, today a big dinner for Daughter, Grandson and the girlfriend, and now a quick catch-up here and early bed. Tomorrow I have to go and grovel to the bank. I don't think the injection has done the trick and mended my leg, but it might be too early to tell. I can't allow myself to really think about it just yet. 11:05 p.m. - 19.11.23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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