annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An E and an M and a D and an R I had another totally wild EMDR session yesterday. They feel deeply positive, moving, overwhelming and too complex to accurately describe, which is quite annoying as they slide out of my mind so quickly. All I have left is that at one point we seemed to have reached an end and the therapist gently asked, "Is there anything you need?" and I was overwhelmed with how much I need my Sammie and that was where we went for the rest of the session. It's weird shit, which I may have mentioned before, where images unfold like waking dreams. There was a time with me, my three kids and my grandson sitting together on a hill and Sammie telling us she had to go. We knew she had to, but we really didn't want her to. She put her knapsack over her shoulder, you know, like in fairy tales, all her belongings wrapped in a spotty cloth, tied to a stick, held over her shoulder, and off she went, down the hill, along a winding path until she disappeared out of sight behind some woodland. She was quite cheerful about it, but Daughter and I were distraught, weeping, sobbing, beside ourselves. Son and Grandson were more philosophical and tried to reassure us that we can do this, we can manage, we had no choice about her going but we can still find a way to live good lives. I came to some acceptance of this by the end of the session, and it is where I live really, in the belief that I can have a good life, or that what's left can be good. I find it interesting how I unconsciously assigned roles - me and the girl over here, the two males over there. Because this is all me, isn't it? Like I said, weird shit. These sessions also bring on dreams like I've never had, so intense and complicated, vivid, exhausting. All gone, sliding out of sight as I reach out to try and articulate them to myself. 12:22 a.m. - 10.11.23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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