annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Mental
This morning was my first session with the fitness programme and I think I did OK. I slept really badly beforehand, waking up all the time, looking at the poxy clock in case the alarm hadn't gone off, blah blah, all that fuckery, then worrying in case I would need a sports bra, and generally being a dick.
But it was OK, gentle, doable. I was sweating by the end of it, so I had pushed myself enough, but I didn't overdo it, and I will keep going. It did make me feel fucking knackered though.
That's all I've got today.
Though I was grateful when I finished reading one of my pieces in the writing group, looked up and saw they were all smiling and one was clapping.
And I walked over the footbridge in the fierce wind and icy rain, for the first time in forever and I felt MEGA grateful that this is no longer an inevitable part of my daily life. First I lived with my parents on the beach but worked in town and didn't drive, so had to cross the footbridge then, whatever the weather. It's only about 200 yards (or metres) but it's across the narrowest part of a wide river estuary, totally exposed to the wind which is channeled up the river, into your face. Later I lived in the town and Sam went to the school on the beach, Daughter was a baby and I child-minded Nephew, so we had some great dashes across the fucking footbridge in winter, me pushing one of those big old school Silver Cross prams, with Sam hanging onto one side and Nephew the other, always on the verge of being late, rain pouring down our faces under our collars. Years of it, and again later, I bought a house on the beach and lived there for far too long so all in all I could not believe that today I decided to park on the beach and walk into town when it was the coldest windiest day we've had forever and I didn't have to. Shirley didn't reckon much to it either. But we may never have to do it again unless I want to because I can drive now and I have a car and I don't even live there anymore and thank fuck for that.
Someone posted photos from yesterday's swim so here I am in the sea - now this is fucking weird, isn't it? One moment I'm wrapped up in the best, warmest coat and hat, moaning about the cold, then I'm stripping off to sod all and jumping into the sea. Mental and inexplicable.
12:27 a.m. - 07.03.23
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