annanotbob2's Diaryland
Diary
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Still here
- My lack of cognitive capacity is sometimes scary. Today my friend J came over and we went out for lunch. Before leaving we tried to book a table - or rather I tried - and for each restaurant I tried I was completely overwhelmed and mystified by the fucking website. The panic rose higher and higher until I reached a critical point when I was actually able to withdraw mentally and take a few slow and steady breaths then phone the place and do it that way. I don't really know why it's like this at the moment, but I feel relieved that when it was getting worse and worse I was suddenly able to kind of step outside and regain control. Silver linings etc. But still, fuck.
- We had a great day - we always do and I always wish we still lived round the corner from each other. I guess I should try to be glad we lived like that for four good years. She was my boss for a while, one of the worst bosses I've ever had and she found me a terrible department member, but that was in the 1990s. We've done well to survive that and move into an enduring friendship which means a lot to us both. Yay for us and for friends, especially old friends.
- But also yay for new friends. I'm pleased to still make new friends - like the women in the bereaved mothers cold water swimming group, currently going by the name The Salty Grief Warriors. H, the one who first reached out to create the group is already starting to feel like a friend - there's a sense of relief when we're together, that I can say what I like and that she can too, admitting to the worst things we've felt and (almost) done since our children died. Only one child each, but that's one too many.
- I have a programme about Roy Orbison on in the background as I write. I only got into him when I discovered The Travelling Wilburys and that was by listening to the music, not watching him and I'm quite surprised at how he looks - strange. But I do love his voice and some of the songs.
- I don't get facebook stories - what's that about? Or instagram. Don't tell me cos I don't really care.
12:05 a.m. - 05.02.23
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