annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary
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Four
- I'm still reading through old blogs, jumping about a bit, now in late 2017, after Sammie had been discharged from the hospice. Fucking hell, no wonder I'm still tired. That was AWFUL, so unbelievably awful to have her hovering on the brink between life and death for two and a half years. There's a passage in early August '17 when I'm advised not to make any concrete plans for her birthday at the end of the month, 'because, realistically...' but she lived for another two years, not all of it with this spectre hanging over us, but too much.
- Then I got to the bit when the fucking woman from Diaryland whose name I cannot bear to mention, came to stay, despite me saying I couldn't do it, I wasn't up for hostessing a person on their first ever trip abroad. She wasn't having that, she was coming, refused to postpone it, then started playing fucking mind games with me, telling me what turned out to be shocking lies about having a terminal illness and her husband having blown all the health insurance money on a new truck, oh so many lies. What amazes me most is reading that it wasn't until I saw my counsellor that I realised I didn't owe her anything, that yes, she's obviously fucked up, but we're all fucked up and not many of us are as cruel as she was, and probably still is. He said, "Anna, for once I'm going to take my counselling hat off and tell you to tell her to fuck off. Cut all contact with her, she's poison and not your responsibility." And I did and was glad. I sent her a message saying I was done and not to bother replying as I wouldn't read it. She did reply and I never did read it - not interested. She said vile things about mutual friends, so horrid. I wanted to tell them don't trust her, don't let her creep into your life, but then I remembered I'm not in Year 8 and just left it. I just looked her up on FB and of course she's still alive - terminal illness , my arse. She said she had MS when I fist knew her, then when I stayed with her she said not to mention it in front of her husband as it made him angry to think of her dying so they pretended she didn't have it. Which was kind of cool, because she doesn't have it. I'm better at walking away from people now. I hardly ever have to do it, but some people just radiate drama and bullshit, and I've done that. No more, thanks.
- I did a great picture at the last art group but I can't be arsed to ... oh all right, here it is:
- I'm still not writing like my current therapist wants me to - there's lots of family drama going on that I don't want to put into the public sphere as it's not just my story. I keep thinking I could do some private entries but I don't know how to do that. Or start another blog but where? I can't remember how.
12:24 a.m. - 24.12.22
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