annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Old Friends

Today is definitely a day for numbers.

The doctor said it's good for me to swim in he sea through the winter so long as I always get in fairly slowly - ie don't jump in. However he's also putting me on even more anti high blood pressure pills which is a bit scary as that's three now. When I picked up the new ones the pharmacist came out and asked if she could call me after a week to see how I am. Scary. Makes me not want to take them. I just took my BP and it was 130/81, but I have no idea what that means. I might ask to speak to my fave doctor, who's part time so I have to check when she's in. 
I followed the advice to check out Age Concern for help with moving the rooms round and fucking hell, they got back to me today and it's all going ahead pretty damn quickly. The guy is going to come round to have a look first - all the cupboards are full of stuff that will have to be taken out before they're moved and I need a plan, an order of actions before we start. Then next week he'll come and help me do it and I'll have a little snug bedroom and a really spacious art/craft/writing/yoga room! Woo hoo! 
When I walked the dog this afternoon I bumped into a load of people from the care home where Sam lived. Three of the residents I remembered, one new one, all in wheelchairs being pushed by care workers, none from those days, all new.
Wayne, lovely Wayne. He used to wheel himself into Sam's room in the late afternoon and sit next to her bed, watching Pointless with us. He was the only resident who could do things like change the CD or DVD and he'd sometimes just flick through changing the song every 20 seconds or so. Or he'd have a Christmas music binge in June, driving everyone mad. He's shy and if you ask him a direct question he lowers his head and looks up through his eyelashes, just like Princess Di used to do. Today I asked how he was and he answered 'Fine' just like that. He came with us to a lot of gigs - the last one was Jools Holland's Big Band which he loved and wanted to go on the stage with them. "Stage! Now! Stage!" He was my favourite. 
Clare was much more compromised than Wayne, and was difficult in many ways. When Sam first moved in there, it was so awful to have to accept that this was where she belonged, my darling bright sparky daughter, in with Clare and the others. But I became very fond of her and was so pleased to see her today, still the same, still here. She used to love the Argos catalogue, a big fat book of pictures that she'd flick through endlessly, roughly, gradually destroying it. I picked one up for her every time I passed the shop - they don't have print ones any more - it's all online. I thought of Clare when I heard that.
The other one was new Adam, called that as there was already an Adam living in the home, though sadly old Adam died of Covid. New Adam (older than old Adam) is even more competent than Wayne, manoeuvering  himself in an electric wheelchair - he was the one that I felt did recognise me, maybe from my voice, which is quite deep and distinctive, and smiled at me, a good, full smile. He has much more physical control than any of the others and it's hard to hold onto the fact that he has severe learning difficulties as he looks very bright. There seems to be intelligence behind that smile, but there really isn't much, just a flicker.
I miss them all so much. They were all there at such a key point in my life, in Sam's life. For those three years I spent more time with Wayne and Clare than I did with anyone in my family and when I lost her I lost them all as well. I thought I'd go back and read to them - they loved children's poetry, AA Milne and those great rhyming, rhythmic poems, but lockdown came before I was ready and now I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see someone else living in Sam's room.

12:12 a.m. - 18.10.22

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