annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sad Well it's been a funny few days. Funny peculiar not funny haha. My feelings have been somewhat out of synch with what's occurring, like finding myself all choked up as a response to the death of the queen and the massive response to it. I understand now, after having read about it and discussed it with my therapist, who keeps an open inbox between sessions, that many of us with active grief shit going on, are liable to respond with more emotion than we'd expect to this kind of death. It's like what happened with Diana - it seemed the whole country had gone mad and it feels a bit like that now. I know people who plan on going to London for the funeral and the weird old men across the road have hung long black flags from their upstairs windows, but most people I know aren't focused on it at all. No one has brought it up in conversation, not because I'm a fierce anti-royalist, because I'm no more that than anyone else I know. It's just not anything to do with us. My feelings are all about my girl, of course they are. The queen's funeral will be on the anniversary of Sam's funeral. I've just been and read through what I wrote around that time which makes me so glad I have this blog and determined to keep on writing, no matter whether I have readers or not, it's for future me and as such has value. Her funeral was a beautiful thing, a good funeral is just that, beautiful. Made so by the love, that's all. But now is hard as this fucking fatigue goes on and on. If it hasn't picked up by the beginning of October it will officially be Long Covid but I hope to god it's not that. I did the second day of the painting course, just. I was unable to focus on the instructions much, and even less able to carry them out. But I couldn't be arsed to leave and drive home. Yesterday was great-nephew's first birthday and a family party which was just lovely, sometimes it all just flows with us lot and then it's great. Niece is a fantastic cook and laid on a great spread; the birthday boy crawled around on the floor, navigating around feet and dogs and table legs, happy and purposeful and we all sat about catching up with relatives we hadn't seen for a while. The last time I saw Nephew was early lockdown days, when we were suddenly allowed to drive somewhere nice for a walk and we both fetched up on the seafront. I met his girlfriend for the first time and her brother who is recovering slowly slowly from an accident which left him with brain damage. He was pretty chirpy as he'd managed to walk from the car on his crutches and was able to chat a bit with people he'd never met. He said to me, "Hi, Anna, what's your story?" Well, fuck off unless you've got a few hours to spare. I mean, what IS my story?
12:06 a.m. - 12.09.22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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