annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pan Therapy today. Now we're past all the Sammie anniversaries we're building up to starting the big work. This has taken forever as I operate on a strict distraction system, where I don't let myself connect with the feelings very often. This is probably new as I seem to remember crying full time for most of the years from 2001-2008, but I don't know. Back then I always thought I was crying about something minor which was the last straw and couldn't understand why I was so broken by it. Anyway, my homework for this week is to deliberately check in with myself twice a day, for more than a moment. I'm so resistant to this, while at the same time wanting to have more authentic relationships. Or at least to find a way of sorting things with Bloke. Either to leave or to come to a peaceful acceptance of the value of what we do have and not just stay with him and moan about him all the fucking time. 68 feels old to be leaving your partner, but there you go. At one point I was giving another teacher a lift home from school in the evenings. She talked a lot about the fast approaching 50th wedding anniversary party for her husband's parents. One day she got in the car in a state of shock - her husband had just phoned to say his mum had left his dad, saying she'd have been able to keep quiet and stick it out if there hadn't been this party coming up but she didn't have it in her to smile and pretend to celebrate fifty years of living with the fucker, no thanks, she was off. In her seventies. Good on her. I also had lunch with Grandson today which was as lovely as it always is and had another go at making those sandwiches whose name escapes me that you get on the beach in the south of France. Big fat rolls, stuffed with salad and tuna and olives and anchovies - pan bagnat - that's it. I made them for our fist two open air theatre outings but so far the bread has been all wrong. The first was a big sourdough roll that was too tough, the second was a baguette that didn't have enough room to put enough salad in and was also quite tough for me and my false teeth to chew, so this time I have two soft brown rolls, quite big. I'm doing another art course at the prairie garden place which has a cafe that only sells cakes and sweet things. It also has fucking disgusting coffee so I'm taking a flask of stovetop espresso. Hasta manana amigos. Here's the fund raising link: https://trusselltrust.enthuse.com/pf/anna-mills I'm up to £97 or 39% of my target. If a raise £100 I get a wooden medal and a certificate. Thanks xx 12:24 a.m. - 08.09.22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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