annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Praise you

The boy got a positive test this morning! Hooray! I mean, he's not a boy, he's nearly 40, but you know who I mean.

Apart from that, I went back to bed and slept till gone midday which was bloody lovely and apart from that I've half made two trifles, neither of them with any alcohol in as one is for Christmas Day, for the non-Christmas pudding eaters, which includes a few under-10s and the other is for us for the next day and includes two people in recovery, which is all very well, but what about me? I want to say that sometimes, like the granny in The Twits by Roald Dahl, which we had on cassette once long ago. I always enjoyed it when it got to that part and the reader bellowed 'WHAT ABOUT ME?' in an awful screechy voice.

I'm at the numb part of Christmas really. Sam is lurking just outside my awareness all day and all night. I'm back listening to the griefcast - a podcast where Cariad Lloyd (a comedian) interviews other comedians (mostly), about people they have loved and lost, about grief and how it goes slightly differently for us all, for each loss. Sometimes it's all I can do, hang out with others who're thinking and talking about death. It's a great comfort. Today I listened to Jimmy Carr talking about his mother, who died when he was quite young, and his friend Sean Locke who died just a few weeks ago. I've never felt Jimmy Carr be so real, especially how he talked about his mother. He set up a Griefcast playlist on Spotify, which I'm listening to now. I'm like him - it's music that cuts through all the layers of protection I've set up and makes me feel the feelings and cry the tears, in a good way. Not many songs or artists that I know, but I will. I added Fatboy Slim's Praise You, which is my song for Sam. That's coming up next so I'll go to bed after that.

Today I am grateful for: having good chats with my son and my daughter. Blessed to have them.

Safe. Keep safe. xxx

11:36 p.m. - 23.12.21

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