annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Monday Monday

Monday afternoon, just back from garden sketching group at the recovery centre, lashing down with rain so we were allowed inside for the first time, six of us at separate tables spread over two rooms with the divider open, wearing masks. The covid figures are still rising, at least round here, so I'm pleased they're being safe. I painted one of the shelters on the seafront from a photo but didn't like it much, Never mind.

I've been thinking of writing about Sammie, about what sort of writing that would be and I don't really know. I feel so far away from what I tend to think of as the 'real Sam' - all my vivid memories are of the period when she was virtually, then actually, silent. When I try to dig further back it gets very impressionistic. I might come back later to have a go at some of that - it seems a task for darkness, not sunlight.

***

Well, I'm back and it's dark but I still don't know what to say about Sammie and it's all weird because my therapist suggested it and my strong urge is to do as she asks, to be a good client, like I've always been. But I don't want to and I'm not going to because she's my Sammie and I'll write about her when I want to, not when someone else tells me to.

Today has been very mixed. Good art session at the recovery centre, though my painting was a bit shit. Then to Daughter's - she's exhausted again and possibly (probably?) has Long Covid - she gets wiped out so easily and so completely. Man. A big worry as no one knows yet how Long Covid will turn out. Too soon to say. A year or two or a lifetime? Fuck.

The wind has carried on being wild and making the sea too big and strong to swim in, which is pissing me off as the summer slides past so quickly. I went for a walk along the prom and the pier taking photos of things in threes for the 30 Days of Composition project I'm doing, which I'm liking. In the end the best one was of three pink clothes pegs on the washing line at home against the green clematis-covered fence. But the light was lush out there and walking by the waves, in the wind is always soothing. And we came home past the international grocers where I bought a kilo of goat meat for a stew tomorrow. I'd like to make Caribbean curry goat but Bloke doesn't like allspice which is a big feature so I'll probably just do it with peppers and tomatoes and red wine, kind of Spanish.

Today I was grateful for the rain, watering the garden and all the crops in the fields. Yesterday it was to be able to walk out of my door and up into the hills away from everything except fields and birds and fresh air. Before that it was blackberries I'd picked from the hedgerow and made into a fucking delicious crumble - I ate it before I took a photo so had to post the empty bowl.

Keep safe, y'all. xx

3:21 p.m. - 09.08.21

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