annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Still on about strokes

Hiya. I hope things are OK where you are. I feel as if we might be climbing out of the depths of the virus here, so long as we don't rush too fast. The numbers are really low but we have to be careful still.

I got a call from the TIA clinic, not from the consultant, from the clerk who had spoken to the consultant and shown him my file. In the world of mini-strokes it seems mine's a lightweight. No need to panic, they'll get to me in a week or two, unless I have any more stroke-like symptoms, in which case get myself back to A&E asap. But I was told to not do yoga, after I'd already done a hatha class on Tuesday. I might leave that for now, to be on the safe side but I did yin tonight. I messaged the tutor, saying what had happened and that I took full responsibility for carrying on, which I'd do unless she thought it was mad. She didn't, as yin isn't a strong class and she gave me even more supported poses at all points. Lying down with a bolster under your back and head, with your shoulders falling over the sides, opening up your chest and counteracting all the slouching forward over a laptop, cannot be a bad thing, surely?

I can't just stop everything. I feel scared to walk on the hills as sometimes my phone doesn't get signal and a lot of it is inaccessible to vehicles without massive hassle - finding who has the keys to the padlocked gates, never mind getting them opened. So that leaves either walking to the beach and back, the meadow or round the streets. When I write it down I can see that I'm lucky - not everyone has a meadow or a beach within walking distance - though the beach is 1.7 miles away and uphill all the way back, so it's not as much fun as it sounds. Still, it's not for long, with luck.

I went to the meadow today, taking my sketch book, but didn't draw anything in the end as it's all scratchy, sprawling brambles, bare branched, scrubby trees and not much else, within these really cool ancient flint stone walls - it's called bungaroosh, the form of wall-building, but ... ooh, as ever, when I write I find a solution. I shall take a close up photo of just a small patch and try to paint that. Good. That's a job for tomorrow.

Three Good Things
1. I decided I feel safe about having acupuncture again now I've had a vaccine so I'm going on Saturday. Bloke will drive me over and I'll find my own way back, getting my head round the changes of buses - three to get there, all owned and run by different companies - they were privatised so that people could make money out of them, fuck providing a service for people without cars. I was going to take Shirley to the vet on the bus but chickened out at the last minute and walked.
2. Fish and chips for tea after yoga with a big mountain of slaw made out of all the veg in the fridge that weren't soft - carrots, celeriac, sweet potato, cabbage, celery, parsley, onions, seeds, mayo, lots of black pepper, so delish.
3. Doing OK coming off the sleeping pills. Having really intense dreams, some of them quite unnerving. Last night I found myself getting back together with my erstwhile pal SC, one of the ones I had an allotment with, if anyone's memory goes back that far. I cut her out of my life when she said to stop going on about Sammie as no one wanted to listen to it - I needed to get my head round the fact that she was dying and shut the fuck up. No one has said she was dying at this point. Also, she used to smoke all my grass, which I hadn't been so bothered about. When I told people I wasn't speaking to her any more, without exception, people said, oh thank fuck for that. Anyway, in this dream not only did we repair our friendship but we copped off. I woke up still able to feel the softness of her lips as we snogged. I don't know where her wife was - maybe she wasn't in the dream at all. It's odd because I walked away from my friendship with them without turning back at all. I'm by nature a nosy fucker, but I've never been interested in what they're doing now. Ah well. I'm still not that bothered, although I have just snooped on their FB pages, both with heavy private settings, so none the wiser.

Night night xxx

11:40 p.m. - 04.03.21

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