annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Blood pressure

Late again - I got caught up in youtube - sigh. I was looking for Sunshine On Leith after hearing the Soul Music programme about it on Radio 4 - well, on 'catch up' of that. It's a little programme without a narrator, just clips linked together of people talking about what that week's song means to them - loads of really interesting stuff. I hadn't really listened to that one, despite having seen The Proclaimers twice. It's powerful - such simple words - it starts with My heart is broken, repeated, then sorrow, sorrow, sorrow, sorrow - how did I miss that? Anyway, I found it on youtube, who are dead sneaky with what they put on the sidebar as here I am two years later...

This morning I got up early, eventually - fought my way out of the fog and fetched up at writing group which has suddenly grown too big for an hour - eight people, not enough time to all write and read and comment and do it again and again. Never mind. In this group we often have random words - the other one is more likely to have a theme. Today we had three words from selected pages of a big dictionary - use these in something, any way you like: catarrah, attract, local. I went straight back to Bella, still where I'd left her on Wednesday.

Bella and Naomi were having a cup of tea together, Bella sat on her bed in her basement bedroom, Naomi on the bottom step outside in the front yard. The sash window was open at the top so they could hear each other without the virus getting to them. Lockdown had been in place for a few weeks now and they felt as if they were already getting quite used to it. The normally busy street was silent above them, no traffic, not even pedestrians, no planes in the sky. The only sound came from an upstairs window, a nasty wet, hacking cough.
"Jesus!" said Bella.
"I know," said Naomi. "He's been like that for years though, as long as I've lived here. How will we know if his catarrah turns into covid? Will we notice any difference?"
"Well I'm not gonna listen out for a change in that, I'm gonna carry on blocking my ears to it like I always do. It's not the most attractive noise, is it?"
They both sighed and looked into their mugs of tea, trying not to think of how the world had suddenly changed, how everything, from sharing a cup of tea, or walking to the local shops now seemed fraught with danger.

I had another medical panic today as well over the blood pressure - it is very high - I wish I hadn't looked up what it's meant to be. The doc says I have to take the medication as I'm at high risk of stroke and I already do all the other things that are meant to lower my risk - I don't smoke or drink alcohol, or eat shite or much salt, I exercise, walking fucking miles. Today I sent her my last two weeks' bp results, twice a day since starting the meds. It went down a bit for a bit but this morning's was as high as ever so she said I'm to double the dosage and see how that goes. Total panic - I could feel my system clogging up right there and then. Fucking fuck is what I say.

I went for a long walk with my pal SB, after a long sit on the beach eating fish and chips and drinking coffee from the kiosk. That's the first time I've done anything risky this lockdown - mad that when J came round last week, we were safe but it was illegal, this was legal, but nowhere near as safe as it just isn't possible to walk for any distance and maintain a two metre space between you, not unless you have lanes marked out. We kept drifting closer, but it was still good - it was windy as fuck so it's not like we'd be breathing in each other's air continuously - that wind would have whipped it away at once. I love her though. I really do. So good. Now bed.

Three Good Things:
1. Having a friend for more than forty years who just gets you and you get her and it's the best thing.
2. The NHS and my doctor making time for me, calling me back, sending me an email when I didn't answer - I'd been getting nuisance calls that wouldn't stop so I turned my phone off forgetting she was going to call. Free doctor, free meds. Grateful.
3. Junior Bake Off - I have loved that so much. It's over now, which is good as I don't really want to turn the TV on as early as 5, but those lovely kids, working so hard, so creatively, with such knowledge and understanding. Naima was only 9 at the beginning and she made it to the final. Filled me with joy.

Night night xxx

12:21 a.m. - 30.01.21


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