annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Struggling

It feels hard at the moment, this life. Maybe because I didn't speak to anyone on the phone today - though I did my zoom writing group so I did have personal contact. They were very positive about my writing again, especially the Bella bit, which is upstairs so I'll try to add it tomorrow.

I have a lot of minor physical ailments that are getting me wound up as they don't fit into any scheme of things. Dizzy spells, some very intense, hardly ever lasting more than seconds. Blood pressure in the insane range. The pain in my leg, which may or may not be sciatica. The floating rainbows, a visual thing which is apparently pre-migraine something or other. I've never had a migraine but I get these floaters more and more, sometimes several times a day. And I'm sleeping so much - like at least ten hours a night, sometimes twelve, which makes for very little daylight, which makes life much less enjoyable. I find myself sliding into hypochondria, especially as I still have all the skin lesions which may or may not prove lethal. I've lost too many friends to things they thought were nothing much but which killed them quite swiftly in the end. And my brother. But I think of that poem about old people - shut up about your aches and pains if you want to keep some friends and I do so I will. Or try to anyway.

Today has been Holocaust Memorial Day. I lit a candle and read awful things. Did you know that if we had a minute's silence for everyone murdered in the holocaust we'd be silent for eleven and a half years? I don't know how to carry on blethering shite after that without being disrespectful, so I'll stop.

Three Good Things
1. A nice black and yellow fishing boat has been moored on the beach where I park the car, very photogenic, especially with the black, lobster-pot marker-flags fluttering in the wind.
2. Bloke being out at work, in an empty building, doing IT network stuff all day, leaving me home alone, which I like very much indeed.
3. Walking along streets I'd never walked down before, which is pleasing. I had to drive - I can't bear the repetition of walking from home - I did that yesterday, but today I had to go somewhere different. I was after a path for the photo-a-day prompt and went to a gap between the shops where light shines through from the seafront. A young bloke was leaning against the entrance, in a queue to go into the bakers. I told him I wanted to take a photo, didn't mind if he was in it or not, up to him. He moved and we got chatting. He told me about some attractive old red brick paths by a park, which would make a good photo, so I set off in search of them. I didn't find them but I went down new roads, past new sights and had a friendly encounter with a pleasant stranger, which was all good.

Keep safe.

11:33 p.m. - 27.01.21

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