annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary


Weird times

Well, US friends, I have nothing to say beyond best wishes that this all passes and becomes a hideous memory. It feels like the whole world has gone mad - the virus figures here are shocking, though where Son lives the increase in people infected from day to day has gone 854 (Sunday) - 978 - 1006 - 1009 (today) so although that's a terrible number - one in a hundred - at least it's not still rising in leaps and bounds. Phew. I feel so sick with fear and dread. I can't find any way to think why I should not fall prey to this - though I keep doing all I can to be as strong and healthy as possible, mentally and physically. I wish I could get some clear sense of what is meant by 'more contagious' - OK, instead of sitting here moaning and wishing, I went to google and found some medic in Seattle says: " a typical COVID exposure (coming within six feet of an infected person for 15 minutes or longer) about 10% of people will get sick, while the new strain could result in 15% of exposed people getting infected. He also added this calculation should be taken “with a grain of salt for the moment.”" Well, this calms me down as I'm not coming within six feet of anyone for fifteen minutes. Good. I'm probably not going to catch it walking in the wind on the sea front.

Moving on... I took down the Christmas trees - the one I made a couple of years ago out of branches pruned from the buddleia and the traditional one which was so dead that almost all the leaves fell off as Bloke brought it into the house. I'm kind of glad I changed my mind and that we did have a traditional one, though I can't work out why - it didn't make me any happier, but maybe I would have been even more mis without it. Only one person saw it though, which is so sad - Daughter came over in the evening of Christmas Day and she's the only other person to have been in the house for weeks and weeks. I can't even try to hope for the future - normal life seems so out of reach. I flinch when I see people on TV touching, especially touching strangers, casually, in passing. Imagine having a car full of people and driving to some indoor event, with even more people and not a care in the world... feels like the impossible dream. I wonder how long Eastenders will keep going - they've done brilliantly at filming safely - it is a bit weird when couple don't touch, though not as weird as it should be (see above) but I don't see how they can continue. Not essential business is it? My coffee lad wasn't there today, in his van - I hope he's OK. He wears a mask but it strikes me as dodgy, being close to people all day, passing things to and fro.

First writing group today - first of my regular things to restart - Tuesday art was cancelled at the last minute, boo. But today was grand - I so like the little gang of people, mostly women, mostly in Sheffield (where dear simeonstwin lived for so long), every one a fab writer. Though I hardly ever know what to say as feedback - I've never been able to do that without seeing the words on the page. The first time I hear it is always as a 'punter' and I just go to wherever they're taking me. If the writing was clumsy I'd know at which word or phrase they lost me, but that doesn't happen. I wrote one bit about Paul, Bella's cohort in that first novel I wrote. He was thinking about his mother, trying to write about her. When I wrote that novel it was as part of a post-grad creative writing course where we all shared our work and had feedback. I remembered when I read it out today that nobody then had liked Paul's mother - she took a load of drugs, slept around quite a lot, that kind of thing. At the time I'd written her as based on me if I'd had more nerve and I defended her, thinking we're all different and like different people, but now I'm not so sure. I've had a big breakdown and a load of therapy since then and haven't reread it. My piece today didn't get the usual positive response though. I'll add it in here tomorrow if I remember, can't be arsed to go upstairs and get it.

Three good things today: 1) The return of writing group, finding I'm starting to remember names, loving coming out with something I hadn't thought of, loving hearing where others are going in their minds (Scandinavia and Scotland to name but two). 2) Walking in the sunshine! First time for ages - beautiful. I was so fucking tired though - I kept looking at my pedometer to see how far I'd gone and if I could turn round yet but did drag myself over 6000 steps, my baseline, and made it to 2.7 miles so all good. 3) I cooked a great fish pie which will last two days. I made it when I got in as well, despite the tiredness. I find the trick is to keep my hat on. Then I can plod along till it's done.

Night night. Keep safe. Fingers crossed for the US xxx

11:13 p.m. - 06.01.21


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