annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary

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Day next but one

I still can't work out what day it is, and I don't know what to write but at the moment everything is slipping away and I won't lose this too. I have chronic, awful pain in my leg that I thought was sciatica but maybe it isn't - investigations are underway, but now yoga is too hard - too many asanas make it feel worse. I had to leave the memoir writing group this evening as I couldn't follow what she was saying and I could feel wild, irrational hatred rising in me for the teacher and most of the other participants (def time to go). I've cancelled two music lessons for being unable to practise and knowing I won't be able to follow what she asks me to do. I can't walk because I keep having funny turns where I almost crash to the ground but I keep forgetting to call the doctor about them. Today was my last session with the bereavement counsellor - you get twelve, they're free, but you only get twelve. Apart from that it's all great. No, it isn't.

Three good things:
1. Manfromvenus updated after decades of silence and I was really pleased to hear that he's alive and well.
2. I've kept up with the Headspace meditation - 18 consecutive days - the number flicks over every day - and although it's clearly not a magic wand, I feel it is allowing me some kind of objectivity. I can see that I am having an episode, that life is very stressful for us all and it won't always be like this or feel this bad.
3. I have a little dog

Take care. Thanks for the notes. xxx means a lot

11:43 p.m. - 18.11.20

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