annanotbob2's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Day 231 Lockdown is returning. Not till Thursday - don't ask me why not - I cannot imagine a situation where they know on Saturday that it's so dangerous for us to mingle that we must stay indoors, but not till Thursday. And not schools or colleges. Ach, I am so tired and despondent about it. It's for a month, till Dec 2nd. Don't leave home unless you want to. Well no, not really that, exercise, essential shopping, medical, caring responsibilities, essential work. And you can meet one other person for exercise, which is quite cool as that's about all I've been meeting people for anyway - walking. I don't know if acupuncture will count as medical, or osteopathy. My pal J the musician did test positive and is quite unwell, but not in covid terms. Flu-like. I introduced her to Victoria Wood's Dinnerladies sitcom which is on Youtube and utterly brilliant. I can feel panic rising again and again, but I'm going to do my best again to keep it at bay. I've just written a big H on the back of my hand to remind me to buy some heroin - no! No - to remind me to get back into the Headspace meditations. Ten minutes a day is life-changing, quite literally. I had another cold shower today and tried to stay under for 30 seconds which is meant to be the starting duration. 30 seconds is quite fucking long though. I can do it on my body but it hurt my head. But, bloody hell, I've done so much today and I'm thinking it might be related. By ten I'd made an Irish stew for the slow cooker, done a load of washing and hung it on the line, cleared a space to set up the indoor drying rack as it was going to rain, and done the washing up. I've gone on to clear all the stuff off my desk so Bloke could swap it for the table as part of a great long daisy chain of moving shit around to enable good things like bookcases and carpets, sort through mountains of it, chucking out loads, being really strong and decisive. I found an old birthday card from Grandson who had written, "Dearest Granny, happy fucking birthday!" And I've been to the beach at low tide as the sun was going down and walked on the wet sand and determined to do my best. I'd like to get steady enough to be helpful to those in more need, but I'm not there yet - the thought of being relied on makes me curl up and die inside, so I need to start with being self-sufficient and build that up. Three good things today: xxx 10:48 p.m. - 31.10.20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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